Tag: family

Lessons from Ted Lasso: Inspiring Takeaways for Life

I watch too much TV. I admit it. But I try to watch something that has some redeeming value. If I watch a movie, I choose something that will teach me something new. It should alter my perspective or recharge my humanity. There has to be a takeaway. The same with shows. Recently I broke down and subscribed to Apple TV. They have a show that I had seen one episode of, and I had to see more. I’m so glad I did.
Ted Lasso has left me with takeaways I haven’t even identified yet.

Imagine Major League, the Movie (1986), but set in the world of English soccer. A team owner is motivated to destroy her Football team to get back at her ex. She hires an unknown, presumably inept, coach from Kansas for her team. She wasn’t counting on Ted Lasso being the ultimate underdog. Oh, Hell, to do it justice, Ted Lasso is so much more than that, he is an Everyman. After 3 seasons, I concluded that I had seen one of the best TV shows ever made.

If you haven’t surmised as such, I love his character. He is everything I want to be. I would like to say that he and I are on the same level, but I can only aspire.

When you first meet Ted, you see an extremely likable, helpful, and disarmingly gregarious man. His mother jokes in season 3 that when Ted was born, he promptly asked the doctor if he needed anything.
He is a coach who knows nothing about Football (Soccer). He is hokey, with the gift of extreme gab, and he is top-tier punny. He adapts to what he doesn’t know and makes the best of what skills he has as he learns. He is greeted with scorn by fans. He is underestimated (but liked) by his players and peers. He is continually sabotaged by the team owner in the interest of tanking her team. Betrayed time and time again, he remains unflappable and unfazed.
As you get to know Ted, you discover more about him. Underneath the affable, unpretentious coach, he is more confident than he lets on. He is more capable than given credit for. He is also amazingly intuitive. What we are intrigued to learn is that Ted Lasso is also broken. Your admiration for him as a man morphs into sympathy as details of the past that made him are revealed. He is plagued with panic attacks that threaten his new job and his hard-earned status and respect.
Ted is also broken.

I won’t give it all away. Watch it to learn the rest. This is not about the show. It is about the man. I believe I stated it already, Ted is the man that I strive to be. Ted Lasso thinks before he speaks. He chooses acceptance over anger. He forgives when any man would condemn and reject. He chooses the high road when almost nobody else would. His ego never gets in the way, his heart leads instead. He is the man I want to be.

Call me Ted. Give me the biggest compliment ever. Not yet, I’m not there. But I will be. I’m not to be underestimated either.

Cherishing Moments: A Father’s Reflection on Parenting

A regular Thursday turned into a fond memory. Thursday was a fairly typical day for me. Out of the house early to drive up to Mom’s house to do a Detail. I had a busy day ahead of me but if all went according to schedule it would be fine. I would be at my Ear Doctor’s at 9 when they opened. I would start work on my detail by 10. On the way back, I would stop at my son Ryan’s house to pick up some weed. Then I would go home to shower and head out to a Masonic event. The day went smoothly and I was able to pull into Ryan’s driveway at 4. It was close but I would make it.

The weed was just an excuse to see him. I really look for any reason to get together with him. We have been making time for each other. Lately, the plan is to have a movie night with a buzz at least once a month. Neither of us smokes a lot, but we have had some amazing conversations when we do. He calls it the “Stoned unfiltered Dad talks”. I won’t lie, I love that.

On this Thursday afternoon, his temporary roommate was there as well. Hunter has been his friend since the age of 10. He is like a third son to me. He’s going through some stuff right now and Ryan is giving him a hand up by letting him stay. As conversation freely flowed, the likelihood of rolling a fat one was inevitable.
So we did.
And another amazing conversation began.

We spent some time reminiscing about the old days with them. Ryan and Hunter were inseparable. They spent a great deal of time at our house. Hunter’s home life was less than happy. We had some big laughs at some recollections. The vibe in the room was ripe for real connection. At some point, Hunter pulled out his phone and began trying to show Ryan some videos he found amusing. Ryan repeatedly asked him to put it away. Finally,he said, “Dude, put the phone away. We can watch videos any time. My Dad is here and I want to hear him talk”.
I was floored. Flattered. Impressed. Happy. Gratified. It pleased me to no end that my son recognized the value of moments.

Having been given the floor, I had no intention of talking for the sake of talking. It was an invitation to speak freely and on the level. I have never been a big fan of wearing the “Dad Hat”. I raised my children largely by trying to be a tuned-in, relatable parent. I built relationships with my children so they could reach out to me for support. I wanted to ensure they received encouragement, not reprimands and stale advice. I wasn’t a lax friend or failed role model; I was approachable.
It was in that moment that I decided to feel out what my parental legacy really was. For the sake of context, I need to say that I carry much uncertainty about my parenting. I have been validated by how wonderful all four have turned out. But I also believe that it could have happened despite me. It happens.
So I asked them something I’ve always wanted to ask, Was I the Cool Dad?

My son Derek had already suggested that to me. He and I got along famously. My relationship with Ryan was more complicated. We failed for the longest time to really connect. He would say he was just finding his way. However, I felt that I didn’t have a relationship with him. And that absolutely killed me. We eventually turned a corner and things became great between us. But the off years really dug at me.
So, the resounding “Yes” at the question warmed my heart. Ryan revealed many fond memories of our times together. Ones that I had forgotten about because of my tendency to dwell on the worst moments. Hunter further confirmed that all dads were not like me in his friend circle. I was further pleased at the mentions in which Ryan witnessed what he called my “Masonic moments.” For the sake of this conversation, Masonic moments were those times that we were together where an opportunity to do something good arose and I acted on it. He would later become a Mason himself, to my great joy.

It was such an amazing moment. It was the conversation I had always hoped for with my adult children. All of those times that I sat, head in hands, fretting about my parental mistakes. Hoping and praying that I wouldn’t be the “Holiday” Dad that only gets an invite on the big 3 Holidays. That my children would absorb the good things I tried to do and forgive the bad times.
It would appear that I have accomplished this. I am grateful for this. It really is all I ever wanted, to be valued by my Children.

At 5 o’clock I decided that I would miss the function that I had planned on attending. I was in the middle of a moment, a moment that needed to fade on its own volition. I am so thrilled that my son has learned the importance of turning off a video and just be in the moment.

Embracing Faith: A Journey from Doubt to Strength

I’ve battled my anti-religion demons long enough. I am a believer, and it’s time to walk the path that has been cleared for me. I have embraced righteousness in all walks of life but one, as a man of faith. Sure, I walk proudly, but I am secretly insecure. I have love in my heart, but my mannerisms push people away. I believe in myself, but I struggle with self-worth. I’m tired of fighting for peace when I continually immerse myself in chaos.
I have faced and overcome so many challenges. Considering all I’ve been through, the world could easily give me “a pass” to just exist. But that’s not good enough for me. I don’t want to merely exist, I want to LIVE. I want to stand proud despite all of the efforts of the Universe to break me. I want to be the best person that I can be without the use of “excuses” of hardship. I don’t want to be “The Sick Guy” anymore. I want to be the “I can’t believe you were sick, look at you now” guy. My story has been told. I am strong and healthy. I am supporting myself and thriving. I have made a comeback. I don’t want to talk about my illness anymore, unless asked. If my story can inspire, then I will gladly tell it. But it will not define me.

My attitude, my strength, my humanity, and my faith now define me. I know, in my heart, that my continued existence is not an accident. I have defied the odds given by doctors. I have been given the strength to fight myself back to health (physically at least). I have been blessed with the resolve to continually strive for self-improvement. I need to credit my Creator for all of it.

I always struggled with the notion of “turning it all over to Christ”. Or, as they say in AA, our Creator as we understand him. I always thought it was wrong to not give ourselves credit for our accomplishments. I openly pushed back on that. However, I now understand that what it really means is that God gives us the strength to overcome. If we are humble and emotionally mature enough to ask him for help.
I am amazed that, as a Believer (was I?) this never occurred to me.

I have run from religion most of my life. I eventually embraced Spirituality. Not as a copout, but because I struggled with the mainstream concept of religion. But my real issue lies in my issues with people I have met in religious settings. I have had several memorable (traumatic?) incidents with sanctimonious, disingenuous, and dangerously self-righteous people. I have been exposed to feigned superiority through the veneer of their faith. I have witnessed racism, victim-shaming, and unadulterated condescension in the name of religion. As for hypocrisy, well I don’t have the time to list all of the examples. So I rejected religion.
Now I ask myself, why do these people differ from others? Why can’t I treat them as I do other people I encounter in life that rub me the wrong way? If I meet someone at the Gym, work, Post Office, etc., that annoys me, I think,”It’s their journey leave it alone.” Why can’t I do that? Religion is like anything else in life. There is good and bad. Where there are people, there is hypocrisy. Yet, I closed myself off to an entire component of my life, the spiritual.

This is for you, my beautiful Lisa. I may never be a person who gushes publicly with religious fervor. However, I will walk with the surety of a man of faith. I will not only take comfort in believing that I have a purpose. I also have peace of mind in the Divine bodyguard beside me as I fulfill that purpose. I’m turning it over to God.

I was once told that I walk like a “Proud Peacock”. It was meant as a compliment. My walk exuded confidence and self-assuredness. Only I knew that it was largely an act. A defense mechanism to cause people to leave me alone. By embracing my faith fully, it is no longer an act. I know I was put here, and saved several times for a reason. It’s time to go out and boldly find and work towards that purpose.

Enough with the BS

I need to reconcile myself. I need to get my life in order. Overall, I have a pretty great life. But it’s time to tackle some things about myself if I’m ever going to achieve happiness.
Happiness, what is it even? At a cursory glance, I am relatively happy. At least for moments when I am enjoying my favorite activities. Riding my motorcycle gives me great joy, as it often includes good times with great friends. Moments with family make me happy. I am fortunate to have close and meaningful relationships with my children. My Masonic activities are my source of fulfillment and meaningful interaction with others.
Those are moments of happiness. Unfortunately, I spend more time alone than I do partaking in any of the above. I am generally happy around my circle.

However, when I am alone, I am decidedly unhappy.

I used to hate being alone. I now look forward to it. Most assuredley, this is due to my waning ability to tolerate people for extended periods. I like people a great deal, but I have a decreasing tolerance for the antics of many people today. I look forward to retreating to my sanctuary, my “Fortress of Solitude after a long day of peopling. I breathe a sigh of relief when I walk through the door. Getting home is my favorite part of the day.
Until the demons come.

The negative thoughts come at night. It’s unlikely it’s a coincidence that it happens when I get high. Weed has become a regular aspect of my routine. I need to wind down at night, to put the anxiety at bay. Weed is the only thing that works. I will have to deal with the unfortunate side effect of analyzing every aspect of my life, good or bad (mostly bad) for hours on end. For a while, these episodes caused me much duress. But I have come to realize that weed causes my brain to tell me the truth. And that truth is that I have some things to work on. I have come to value the insights gained during these sessions.

I heard a line on TV the other night that reached out of the screen and throttled my neck. “I’m sick of my own bullshit.” An older version of myself would have run from this harsh reality. It caught me at the right moment, at that moment I was indeed sick of my own Bullshit.

I expect to explore that Bullshit in depth.

Dreams

I was recently asked if I have any dreams I want to realize before I die. When you have dealt with the ups and downs of chronic illness, you don’t have dreams. You have a bucket list. Mine is extensive.

Before I die, and that’s really what it comes down to, I hope to accomplish many things. They range from the very serious to the “that looks fun.” Before I die, I want to;

Go skydiving. There are a lot of reasons to want to do this. However, the appeal to me is primarily about overcoming a great fear. I am terrified of heights. I have nightmares of falling (many people do). Jumping out of a plane will be a brave stand against both. I may go to my grave feeling a bit less of a pussy.
I will likely do this before it is too late.

Go across country in a RV. I’ve always wanted to see America in a Kerouac way. I want to be present, not an observer. I dream of seeing this great country through a windshield. I dream of taking my time. Asking locals where they go to drink and eat. To meet people and learn the small details of their corner of the world. I would love to do this with the love of my life. If not, I will definitely do it with a dog by my side.
This is a doable dream. Although it might be modified to a convertible and motels.

I would like to make a long motorcycle trip. I’ve done trips as long as a few days. I want to do one over a month or more.

Fortunately, I’ve made a strong comeback in life recently. I have crossed many small items off the list. I’ve also crossed a few big ones off.
So let’s move on to the big ones.
I want to find peace of mind. I am tired of the anxiety and the negative thinking. A dream of mine is to do whatever I must do, including therapy if that’s what it takes, to reach a mental place where I can enjoy some of the time I have left in harmony with the world around me. I know this is an odd one, but it really is that important to me.

Here’s the big one. I want to fall in love. It saddens me to say this, but my wife wasn’t my greatest love. I loved her, but there is a feeling I crave that is yet unfilled. I want to meet The One. The person that I think of first when I wake and last when I go to sleep. I want a woman who makes me glad I’m alive. A woman so great that her happiness will always be my greatest concern.

This just occurred to me. I also have a dream of being a man of such great character. I want to be deserving of True Love. That one wraps up nicely.

Understanding Sobriety: Not All Drinkers Are Alcoholics

Today will be my 58th day of sobriety. I can honestly say that my life has been a nonstop improvement since I decided to pursue a healthier lifestyle. And let’s make no mistake about it, being healthier is why I did it.
Why make a point of contention about that? you may ask.
Because I’m weary of people telling me that I’m not an alcoholic.

So many people have been supportive of my decision, but there has been some confusion. Some have suggested that I overreacted by joining AA. They thought I didn’t belong there. They believed it was for people in much poorer condition than myself.
They were correct.
I like AA. I believe it is a wonderful program that has helped millions of people worldwide. But it’s not for everyone. As a Recovery Case Manager, I toed the company line. We were a 12-step program, and I worked them with my clients. Despite many ideological disagreements. I disagreed with relinquishing all control to a higher power. While there is merit to the concept, I believe that we are allowed to be pleased with ourselves. We should acknowledge our own part in getting sober. I don’t believe that only God played a role in motivating us to seek help. We also had our own part in bettering ourselves.
I don’t believe that all addiction stems from significant trauma. Nor do I believe that we need to seek the forgiveness of everyone and everything. There are major events that require reckoning, but most of it is just better left in the past. If you have wronged someone and have the ability to make it right, have at it. Otherwise move on. I know this is a controversial opinion and it’s not intended to come off as harsh as it sounds.
Additionally, while members hate to hear this and will get VERY indignant when they do, some of us are different. You’ll hear it at all beginner’s meetings; if you are there, then you are the same as all of them. In fact, we are not all the same. I will not tumble down a wormhole of depravity if I have one drink. Many in the room would. I don’t need to go to 7 meetings a week to stay vigilant. I can do it on my own.
I don’t need to do the steps. I have few resentments and I have made peace with everyone I have hurt (that I know of) already. Many would be furious at that statement, but it’s correct.
Does my assertion that I am different make me an outsider? Or does it just mean that maybe I’m not an alcoholic? See, there is no room in AA for the person who simply likes to drink. There are a lot of those, myself included. I have a problem with alcohol, but I’m not an alcoholic.

So here I am, 58 days later, and I am benefiting from all of the blessings of sobriety. I feel better. I am making great strides in my physical fitness. I have mental clarity. Most importantly, I don’t beat myself up constantly over my drinking. The self-loathing and feelings of inadequacy are over.

I don’t even know if I want to be completely sober for the rest of my life. There will be an opportunity or occasion that arises in which a drink will be warranted. During this time, having a drink will be appropriate and even fun. Or I will say no with confidence and pleasure because I like what saying no has done for me. In the meantime I will continue to go to the occasional meeting. The people are nice, the atmosphere is uplifting, and it is good for the soul.

But I still struggle with calling myself an alcoholic. I think I’m actually just a guy who liked to drink. I found the resolve to recognize that it was just getting old.

Embrace Your Uniqueness: A Journey of Self-Discovery

I was recently asked what my last blog post would be. I had to think about it of course. I decided to write it as if I was actually well-adjusted at the time of my demise. That makes this an exercise in Creative Writing. Here goes.

Be yourself. No matter what. Then embrace it. 

That is what my final blog post would say. 

I cannot tell you how many blogs I have written about finding and understanding myself and what I stand for. I have always struggled with matters of identity. I could go on for days about my findings on this matter. Suffice to say, I showed up at the party way too late.

I’m glad I got here. However, I surely wasted an irretrievable amount of time, effort, angst, and agony in the process. I told the President of my HS reunion committee something several years ago. This was when I was asked for a quote for the newsletter. I said, “I searched high and low, far and wide for who I am. Only to realize that I was me all along.” 

I never thought I was enough. Or the right thing. Or in the right place. I don’t know why, nothing in my childhood explains it. Nobody has ever told me that I’m not good enough except me. It’s as if I placed other people’s expectations of me without their offer or permission. I think I tried to be who and what people wanted or expected. Sometimes different personas for different people or groups. 

I was big and intimidating. So I acted it. But I’m not tough nor do I want to intimidate. That didn’t work.

I was charming (to a degree) so I acted the part of Ladies Man and Playa. But I like and respect women, I didn’t even like hookups.

I was a decent artist. So I tried to emanate artsy and liberal. Turns out I’m a casual artist and I am not wired to take mushrooms and sing Kumbaya around a campfire.

I could go on. Suffice it to say that despite having varied interests and strengths, not a single one of them defines me. They are merely components of me. The day I realized that was a great day indeed. 

As much as I can parrot the tired line, “I don’t care what people think about me” I do. But not in the conventional sense. 

It matters to me that people know who I am and what I stand for. It matters to me that people know that I am a good person. Sure I want to be liked, but I have recognized that respect or appreciation is what I truly desire. 

I have found that the answer is in the company you keep. Your friends will not only understand your uniqueness. The organizations you attend meetings and events at will also appreciate it. The people you spend time with will too. They will know your quirks and pecadillos.  They will know who you really are and what you stand for.

I am the chocolate box in Forrest Gump’s lap. I come in many shapes and forms. They’re all good in their own way. If some of my pieces don’t do it for you, then leave them and enjoy another. I’m me and you never know what me you’re going to get.

Having made that bizarre statement, the overall point is my recommendation to everyone to just be yourself. If you’re not surrounding yourself with people who appreciate the particular magic you bring to the table…well then find a new circle.

Finding Peace of Mind: My Journey Through Anxiety

Peace of mind has largely escaped me for most of my life. I have dealt with undiagnosed anxiety for a very long time. My particular form of anxiety forbids peace of mind. Of course, I can only speak for myself. The particulars of my anxiety are omnipresent and maddening. 

This makes it confusing why I never sought help with these behaviors. I now know they have severely impacted the decisions I’ve made. Their consequent outcomes are another effect I understand now. While I can’t blame anything in particular, I feel those behaviors robbed me of something. I always feel there’s something else I should be doing. I feel I should be anywhere but where I am. I constantly question and review in my head every conversation and interaction I have. I check to see if I did or said something wrong. I worry about every fucking thing that would never even happen. There is no peace of mind in that.

Then the bottom fell out, so to speak. I lost everything in six months. It was a long period of rebuilding. The only positive aspect was that my life was now about just me. I focused on my ability to survive and rebuild. As part of rebuilding, I needed to tackle my mental health.

I started by being honest with myself. Brutally honest. I gave it legitimacy by creating a blog. It became quite successful. Readers appreciated my story for its brutal honesty. They valued the unflinching analysis of what I was, where I had been, and where I was going. The most notable transformation made through my writing was that I lost much of my anger. I forgave those who didn’t deserve it. I stopped waiting for apologies that weren’t coming. I became accountable for my part in things. I didn’t forgive for the sake of anyone else, I did it for me.

Physically I am well now, but it wasn’t an easy journey. Mentally, I still struggle with my anxiety. I have taken steps to address it. I started by simplifying my lifestyle. I avoid that which causes me stress. I engage in charity. I try to only associate with good people. I am always honest in my interactions. I do my best to be in harmony with the universe and the people in my own little universe. I live an accountable life that allows me to sleep at night.

In the process, I finally found things about myself that I like and I learned what makes me happy. I engage in those things with energy and integrity and wouldn’t you know…I have some peace of mind. In particular, I care less about whether people like me, because I like me.

Finally.

Top Life Lessons I’ve Learned

The subject of lessons learned in life came up the other day. I felt inspired to compose a list of some of the most important life lessons that I have learned. Oh, there are so many. And I’m sure I’m not done learning more. Still, it was interesting timing as I am now evaluating almost everything in my life in the interest of self-improvement.

I have learned to be nice always. Some people are barely hanging on and it’s better to be decent to people. Do so until you can’t or the deserving of such treatment fades. We can’t always fix people but we can take comfort if we at least try to help them.

I have learned that it’s not always necessary to be right. Knowing you are and keeping it to yourself is better than trying to prove it.

When reacting to situations, take a deep breath. Act on your second instinct if you must. Words hurt and impressions matter. As the Stoics say, it’s not what happens, it’s how you react to it.

I have learned that it’s true about the fool. Better to be silent and thought a fool than speak and confirm it. On that topic, ears don’t work when jaws are moving. 

I’ve learned to forgive without resolution and to not wait for apologies that aren’t coming. Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. 

If you aren’t invited, don’t go. Nobody should be treated as an afterthought. There was a time when I would allow myself to do this, but I have learned my worth since.

Listen to my gut. It is always right. I remember situations that went south. Relationships that failed are also clear in my mind. I can vividly recall disregarding a stern warning from my gut. I am now keenly aware of my inner voice and plan to follow it.

Finally, as experience has taught me, I need to talk less. While I come from a gregarious and friendly place, I overshare and generally say too much. Maybe it stems from insecurity or trying too hard to make someone like me. Regardless, I’m not engaging in either of those ever again. From now on, my focus will be to listen more and talk less.

I have learned to accept my appearance. I have terrible body issues. I look ok for a person whose body has gone through what mine has. I need to accept that I have limitations to how “fit” I can be. I need to focus on doing what I can and being consistent. I can’t continue to dive behind sofas every time someone points a camera at me. I am depriving the people who care about me of a potential memory. Because one day all that will remain of me are pictures.

There are so many more, but there isn’t enough bandwidth to accommodate all of it.

Embrace Your True Self: Words of Wisdom

“A person who doesn’t know what the universe is, doesn’t know where they are. A person who doesn’t understand their purpose in life doesn’t understand who they are or what the universe is. A person who doesn’t know any of these things doesn’t know why they are here. So what to make of people who seek or avoid the praise of those who have no knowledge of where and who they are?”
Marcus Aurelius

“A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.”
Malcolm X

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.52

I recently saw a question on another post. “If this was the last thing you would write, what words of wisdom would you share?”

That’s easy. Be yourself. No matter what. Then embrace it. 

I can’t tell you how many blogs I have written about finding and understanding myself and what I stand for. I have always struggled with matters of identity. I can talk endlessly about my findings on this matter. Still, suffice to say that I showed up at the party way too late.

I’m glad I got here. Still, I wasted an irretrievable amount of time, effort, angst, and agony in the process. Several years ago, the President of my HS reunion committee asked me for a quote for the newsletter. I gave her this, “I searched long, far and wide for who I am. Only to realize that I was me all along.”

As I said it I realized how prescient my statement really was. When I thought about it, I never thought I was enough. Or the right thing. Or in the right place. I don’t know why, nothing in my childhood explains it. Nobody has ever told me that I’m not good enough except for me. It’s as if I placed other people’s expectations on me without their offer or permission. I think I tried to be who and what people wanted or expected. Sometimes different personas for different people or groups. 

I was big and intimidating. So I acted it. But I’m not tough nor do I want to intimidate. That didn’t work.
I was charming (to a degree) so I acted the part of Ladies Man and Playa. But I like and respect women, I didn’t even like hookups.
I was a decent artist. So I tried to emanate artsy and liberal. Turns out I’m a casual artist and I am not wired to take mushrooms and sing Kumbaya around a campfire.

I could go on. Suffice it to say that despite having varied interests and strengths, not a single one of them defines me. They are merely components of me. The day I realized that was a great day indeed. 

As much as I can parrot the tired line, “I don’t care what people think about me” I do. But not in the conventional sense. 

It matters to me that people know who I am and what I stand for. It matters to me that people know that I am a good person. Sure I want to be liked, but I have recognized that respect or appreciation is what I truly want. 

I have found that the answer is in the company you keep. Your friends will not only understand you, they will accept you. The organizations where you attend meetings and events will appreciate your uniqueness. The people you spend time with will also value who you are. They will know your quirks and peccadillo’s.  They will know who you really are and what you stand for.

I am the chocolate box in Forrest Gump’s lap. I come in many shapes and forms. They’re all good in their own way. If some of my pieces don’t do it for you, then leave them. If one leaves a bad taste in your mouth, enjoy another. I’m me and you never know what me you’re going to get. Even I can’t tell you that. What I can tell you is that under my awkward demeanor is a man of powerful convictions. A man with a sense of justice. A man with empathy. A man who would do anything in his power to end the suffering of another. A man that not only believes in right and wrong but lives by it as well. I’m not special, but I am not without purpose.

Therefore, if my last recorded word was to be one of advice…just be yourself. Know what drives you and live it. Believe in something so strongly that you would die for it. Then surround yourself with people who appreciate your unique magic. If they don’t, then find a new circle.