the biggest don’t

Don’t share your blog with anyone. Just don’t. You lose your freedom.
I think…

It’s funny who I’ve let into my little sacred corner of the internet. All of my children have been allowed. I don’t write about them often but when I do it’s always positive.
Some of my friends read it. I have no problem at this point in my life if my friends read my most intimate thoughts. They know me for the most part but I’m sure they learn things about me that they didn’t know, maybe what they learn will be what they remember most about me.
My ex-wife will never see it as long as I have anything to say about it. When I began this thing it was essential, and perhaps partially unfair, that I vented my frustrations with my debacle of a marriage that consumed with the appetite of a freshly woken Bear in the Springtime. It helped, it served a purpose and is the bedrock of the relationship I have with her now. The anger that consumed me was vented, discussed and, amazingly enough washed away. She sees the finished product, no reason to show her how I got there.
My lady friend (remember her?) reads my blog. It suppose it is inevitable when you tell someone that you have a blog that they ask to read it. It’s a no-win that you enter into because if you say yes then you have offered the equivalent of dropping your pants on a cold day by saying yes and you invariably are trying to hide something if you don’t cough up the URL. She’s read a lot of it, going back surprisingly far. She’s read the good and bad and she’s read a couple about her. I have been candid, but how candid can I be about her without scaring her off?

I rarely will say anything about anyone that I wouldn’t say to their face in my blog or in my personal life. I do not fear anyone accusing me of saying anything behind their back. I hate gossip and I choose to say nothing if that is my only option. I am, however, a man of strong convictions and I need a space to vent like anyone else. Especially if it is a hot or controversial subject. But I really need a space to be myself. Raw, brutally honest, candid, fearless; all words used by my readers to describe my blog. As I’ve lost my anonymity I have lost almost all of those characteristics.

Here’s the thing. This one is special. She allows me to be myself. She is not judgmental, in fact she is accepting. She actually likes me for me, she appreciates who I am for all of my faults. This naturally relaxes me, a truly rare accomplishment, and in the process allows the prospect of a truly healthy relationship. I’m not sure I’ve ever been relaxed enough around anyone, ex-wife included, enough to say that.

Either way it has allowed me to take a hard look at myself and in my inventory came up with some things. I’m inspired to tell my story. All of it. From the beginning. Prepare yourself for Raw, brutally honest, candid, and fearless again.

As Chuck Norris once said, “I’m going to hit you with so many rights you’ll beg me for a left…”.

7 thoughts on “the biggest don’t”

  1. You’re right….this is out little sacred secret place…that’s why I prefer this being anonymous and don’t share it on my other social media handles…the only person who reads every word diligently is my mother..my husband doesn’t have the patience for reading..

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Well it takes courage to share your true, raw,dark emotions to ones who know you well…that’s really hard and am just not brave enough to pull it off…so bravo to you ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Only one member of my family reads my blog, plus a couple of friends on occasion. I have some family issues, but have always tried to be fair. They can’t help how they are, but that is their problem not mine, and I accept it as it is. Hubby is the only person I have let get really close. He knows me better than anyone, even Bro in NZ who has always been there for me. To find someone who loves us as we are, warts and all, good, bad, confused, even the bits we don’t like about ourselves, is a gift. To be able to be ‘Us’, and be comfortable with those we care about with no need for pretty wrappings or pretense, is a blessing.
    I often wonder if people I know came across my blog, would they recognise me from the person they know?
    Take care Billy. Sounds as if you’ve found a keeper.

    Liked by 2 people

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