the biggest don’t

Don’t share your blog with anyone. Just don’t. You lose your freedom.
I think…

It’s funny who I’ve let into my little sacred corner of the internet. All of my children have been allowed. I don’t write about them often but when I do it’s always positive.
Some of my friends read it. I have no problem at this point in my life if my friends read my most intimate thoughts. They know me for the most part but I’m sure they learn things about me that they didn’t know, maybe what they learn will be what they remember most about me.
My ex-wife will never see it as long as I have anything to say about it. When I began this thing it was essential, and perhaps partially unfair, that I vented my frustrations with my debacle of a marriage that consumed with the appetite of a freshly woken Bear in the Springtime. It helped, it served a purpose and is the bedrock of the relationship I have with her now. The anger that consumed me was vented, discussed and, amazingly enough washed away. She sees the finished product, no reason to show her how I got there.
My lady friend (remember her?) reads my blog. It suppose it is inevitable when you tell someone that you have a blog that they ask to read it. It’s a no-win that you enter into because if you say yes then you have offered the equivalent of dropping your pants on a cold day by saying yes and you invariably are trying to hide something if you don’t cough up the URL. She’s read a lot of it, going back surprisingly far. She’s read the good and bad and she’s read a couple about her. I have been candid, but how candid can I be about her without scaring her off?

I rarely will say anything about anyone that I wouldn’t say to their face in my blog or in my personal life. I do not fear anyone accusing me of saying anything behind their back. I hate gossip and I choose to say nothing if that is my only option. I am, however, a man of strong convictions and I need a space to vent like anyone else. Especially if it is a hot or controversial subject. But I really need a space to be myself. Raw, brutally honest, candid, fearless; all words used by my readers to describe my blog. As I’ve lost my anonymity I have lost almost all of those characteristics.

Here’s the thing. This one is special. She allows me to be myself. She is not judgmental, in fact she is accepting. She actually likes me for me, she appreciates who I am for all of my faults. This naturally relaxes me, a truly rare accomplishment, and in the process allows the prospect of a truly healthy relationship. I’m not sure I’ve ever been relaxed enough around anyone, ex-wife included, enough to say that.

Either way it has allowed me to take a hard look at myself and in my inventory came up with some things. I’m inspired to tell my story. All of it. From the beginning. Prepare yourself for Raw, brutally honest, candid, and fearless again.

As Chuck Norris once said, “I’m going to hit you with so many rights you’ll beg me for a left…”.

3,2,1

I was nominated for the 3,2,1 challenge by the awesome Cheryl @ The Bag Lady. I want to thank her for the nomination and also ask you to check out her page. You won’t be disappointed, I promise.

The idea is to post quotes about a topic. This one is on the ever elusive subject of TRUTH.

Here goes.

1)“Integrity is telling myself the truth.  And Honesty is telling the truth to others.”
Spencer Johnson

The above quote rings true for me in so many ways. First, I never had peace in my own skin until I took a long, hard look at myself and acknowledged my shortcomings. By recognizing my flaws and owning up to those things that I was not proud of I was able to get over myself and get to work. Beyond and above being able to forgive myself, I was able to compose a plan to improve myself.

Second, people need to hear the truth. Everyone says they want the truth but they don’t. Their biggest mistake is to ask and not be ready for the answer. I have often found myself in the role of truth teller. My candor and lack of pretense make me a good fit for the role. It’s a necessary one in the plastic and disingenous society we are becoming. The truth can hurt, can be disrupting, and it can piss you off. But it needs to be said if you want to walk this earth just and upright. I’m glad I found my own truth, apparently noone had the testicular fortitude to tell me. The truth has made me a better version of myself. I will never be a perfect man but I always endeavor to be a good one.

2) “What someone considers the truth is considered by someone else as a lie.
Bangambiki Habyiramana, The pursuit of dreams

This speaks to me on so many levels and brings complex emotions to the fore, but it’s actually not complex at all. Propaganda and misinformation are not new, but in the age of the internet, short attention spans and a biased media it is more important than ever to not accept everything we see, read and hear as gospel. We need to seek our own truth, question what we are told and make an effort to suppress our first reaction and approach it rationally. Too often we think with our feelings, while the truth is devoid of emotion. It is only about facts.

I won’t be nominating anyone. Play along if it makes you happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Bird-Day

My family always had a bit of fun with me at the Thanksgiving table when it came my turn to say what I was thankful for. Maybe I waxed a bit too poetic about deployed soldiers, the homeless and the lonely. I just felt it needed to be said. Eye rolls and sarcastic cracks aside, I still do.
Recent events in my life, while debilitating in some aspects, have had a profound impact on my ability to be grateful. It is almost a superpower. I have so much for a guy with so little. The best part is that it lasts all year, not just the holiday season.
If you live with the knowledge that no matter your situation, someone always has it worse you will achieve a generous spirit that will survive more than one Thursday a year.
This time of year there is an abundance of people who show up at pantries and shelters to volunteer. Sometimes people are even turned away because too many show up. But in August they are begging for volunteers. The need doesn’t go away when the trees are taken down, neither should the spirit. Giving doesn’t have to be a grandiose gesture. A simple smile and a good word may be all someone needs to have their faith in humanity restored or energized.
No-one can do everything, but everyone can do something.
I am grateful for my family and my friends. I am thankful for all kindness and generosity, regardless of the scale. My goal is to spread that mentality like a bee spreads pollen.
Happy Thanksgiving to all. If you have a little extra spirit, I’m sure someone would love a slice.
Every day can be Thanksgiving with the right outlook.