Dating in the modern world…

I’m an old-fashioned guy. In short, I look to a previous time for guidance in how I conduct myself. I have an eclectic approach, I’m not stuck in the past, but I do believe that previous generations possessed a code of conduct that worked and is lost on younger generations. I keep it alive because I’ve seen it in action, I believe in it and I do believe it is ingrained in me.

I suspect that I’m much older than most of my readers and I may be talking about an unfamiliar topic. For the sake of this writing, the old-fashioned values I cherish are as follows:

  • respect for elders
  • honoring your word
  • a firm handshake and direct eye contact
  • be tolerant and accepting of other’s viewpoints
  • holding the door for a lady

Did you double-take on the last one? Yes, I am a guy who holds a door for a lady. Not for a chick, a broad, a ho, bae, some strange or a side-bitch. A lady. And I will not apologize for this. I am fully aware that a woman can open her own door and I make no assumptions of dominance nor intend a lack of respect when I do it. It’s a nice gesture and I do it. I believe there are women, and a lot of them, that long for an old-fashioned guy. If they’ve never met one it’s about time they did.

Last night my mother opened a video sent her by one of her dating site connections. It was titled “Does this turn you on?” She opened it, it was a 74-year-old man jerking off for the camera. Facepalm…I thought an older man would be better than that. Mom does too.

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Dating has always been a game. Even though I’ve been in an exclusive, faithful relationship for 25 years I know that the game has changed. Dating is very casual. The conventional “relationship” has changed on both sides. Monogamy is considered an almost outdated construct. Sex is much easily obtained with a lot less effort and commitment. The way I knew it was a lot of work and few guaranteed results. Now, a man has to put in a bare-bones effort and is almost guaranteed to score. Women like hounds apparently.

I get it, it’s a by-product of the times. We live in a time where we are entitled to everything, hard work is not valued and instant gratification is awesome. We talk to each other through screens; we use text messaging to avoid conversation; we compromise our own integrity in the interest of cheap pleasure. There has to be something between my Grandfather’s day when a man “went a’ courting” his best gal and today’s man texting “‘sup bitch, wanna hook up?”

I don’t just want a woman that I can respect, I want a woman that respects herself. Sex is not a true victory, it’s just her letting a man into her pants. A true victory is when she respects you for how you treat her and she then lets you into her heart. Sex is great, but what are you going to talk about after?

I’ll continue to hold the door for a woman. I’m pretty sure when she’s done being offended she’ll find herself just a little turned on.

26 thoughts on “Dating in the modern world…”

  1. I agree with your values.
    Re: opening a door; it is nice that someone opens a door for me but, my broader view is that the first person to the door opens it and holds it for the next person. That’s what I see more often regardless of gender.

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  2. Just had to think of you this afternoon when I was waiting with a couple of people at the bus stop. When the bus arrived, I happened to stand near a door that a guy in his twenties approached as well. Since he was closer to the door I waited (I hate people who try to get in as quickly as possible, rushing doesn’t help) but he just pressed the button so the door would open and then moved aside to let me in first even though I was still some steps away. And I did appreciate it, it’s nice to see that people are considerate enough to notice what’s going around them and care. I don’t think it’s a gender-related thing, I try to be considerate too (well, not to the point of chivalrously moving aside).

    And well, about the rest. Can’t say much about the difference between back then and today since I’m just 22 but looking around in my social circle I’d strongly object to what you think of my generation (if I understood it correctly). I do know what you mean, though, and after hard enough I realised I do know some people who fit your description. Still, there are so many others out there, you’ll definitely find women who appreciate your values and you 🙂

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      1. Sorry, I should know better than think you would!
        I really enjoy getting an insight into your mind, also planned to comment on your political post 🙂 take care!

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      2. oh wow, thank you very much! I read many of your posts but often I’m too shy/scared to comment, feeling all young and foolish. I’ll try to comment more often, then 🙂

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  3. I never thought having a man hold a door open for me mattered one way or another. But then I met my husband (he was in his early 30s at the time) who opened doors for me, actually called me (not text) early in the week to ask to take me out on Friday, and was always upfront about his interest in me. It made me realize what I had been missing by dating men who played games. Respecting women is sexy.

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  4. Great post! And you are 100% correct.

    I grew up in the Deep South and it was ingrained in me at a very early age to respect women and to show that respect with small acts of chivalry, such as opening the door for them, walking on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street, etc. It was unthinkable to me back then to address a woman in any other way than Miss, Mrs. or Ma’am. Were there jerks back then who disrespected women? Absolutely. But they were usually quickly “schooled” by other men on how to be respectful to women. I don’t know how many times when I was growing up that I heard someone quickly corrected for using a swear word such as “damn” in front of a woman.

    Those times and those ways are, sadly, virtually non-existent now. As I observe our modern culture, I am saddened to see men not only disrespecting women horribly, but women not demanding that respect. They often reward the man for his boorish behavior. I don’t know if women nowadays just don’t expect respectful behavior, or if they no longer want it.

    But I try not to paint with too broad a brush. There are still chivalrous men among the younger crowd, just like there are women who deserve that respect. But it is definitely in short supply on with both sexes now.

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      1. Shockingly so. As a married man I said no to casual propositions all the time. I don’t know if women are liberated or have stopped respecting themselves. I’m really not capable of casual relationships, I tend to place a value on everything

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  5. I share these values, and don’t consider myself ancient even though the stench of 60 is getting stronger, but be honest. Isn’t there a small part of you that would love to be have the knowledge you currently posessuand be thirty or forty years younger? Talk about shooting fish in a barrell. Woof woof!

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