the unwanted advance of Social Media

I had the great pleasure of a long phone conversation with a new friend today. We get along so well because we value “real” and are very direct people. What do I mean by direct you ask? If you’re wearing an ugly hat don’t ask us if we like your hat. We should both have tee shirts that read “are you sure you want me to answer that?” You get the point.

We got onto the subject of social media today. We discussed the pitfalls of easy access, the danger of stalkers and trolls, and the evaluation process when accepting or ignoring friend requests. My friend and I mostly agreed on what constitutes a “friend” and we shared some funny and not so funny stories about different people’s attempts to access our little online worlds. As we joked back and forth, once again I triggered myself. I really need to stop doing that.

A few years ago I got a friend request from “Sue”. I didn’t recognize her at first, the last name didn’t ring a bell. When I saw the friends list I saw my cousin Mike and I realized who it was. DELETE. A few days later I got another. DELETE. A few weeks later another. DELETE. My cousin’s ex-wife was not going to infect my Facebook. A few weeks and 2 DELETES later my cousin called. Mind you I hadn’t talked to him in months (long story). He wasn’t calling to say hi, he wanted to know why I wasn’t accepting “Sue’s” friend request. “You’re joking right?”

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“Not at all, why.”

“Because we went almost 6 years without speaking because of her. Why would I want to talk to her now?”

“Let it go.” Yeah, not my style. He doesn’t get it, he never will

It all started in the late 80’s. Mike and his new girlfriend Sue asked me to go to an amusement park in Western, MA (now a Six Flags) with them. I had hung out with them a few times before this, Mike and I were very close so it wasn’t unusual for him to invite me along. Mike was smitten with Sue, me not so much. I found her to be selfish, immature and smothering.  But it wasn’t about me, it was his life. He had a wonderful combination of good heart and low self-esteem that predestined him to marry the first girl who touched his dick.

We walked into the entrance of the enormous park, Mike looked really happy. We headed towards the largest attraction only to realize that Sue had dropped off a few yards back. We quickly found her on a bench. She looked miserable. He immediately asked her what was wrong. To which he was met by a “nothing”. He persisted to ask what happened and she continued to not answer him. A “fine” (the dreaded word to any man) would have been a welcome relief. Finally, she got off of the bench and trudged alongside my hapless cousin. I wasn’t playing her bullshit games, I ignored her. Later that day, when Sue was doing some collectible shopping, Mike pulled me aside and said “you’re not going to believe what that was about”

“I’m listening,” I said.

“We walked past a popcorn stand and I didn’t think to stop and get her some.”

Wow, I thought to myself. It’s so much worse than I thought! Always the compassionate one I said “She’s not here right now. Run, don’t walk.”

He thought I was kidding.

We got through that day and many others. He eventually proposed. She, of course, said yes. Mike and I were having drinks a few days later. The waiter had just dropped off a fresh round. Mike watched him walk off, leaned back in his chair, looked at me and asked: “what do you think about Sue?”

“What do you mean, what do I think?” I asked him quizzically. “What does it matter, I’m not marrying her.” I was hoping that I would end it there. I wouldn’t be so lucky.

“Cut the shit. Tell me what you think.”

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Say it.” He leaned in and met my eyes.

“She’s a fucking bitch and she’s going to ruin your life!” I blurted.”Happy?” Instantly relieved yet mad at myself. I was waiting for the punch. We had beaten the snot out of each other more than a few times. Bracing for a table full of drinks and a 185-pound cousin landing in my lap, I instead saw before me a perfectly calm guy.

“I’m sorry Mike, I love ya cuz. I’m just thinking about you. Not trying to be an ass.”

In the end, it didn’t make a difference. They got married, I was an usher. I slept with one of her bridesmaids (the streak was intact). I managed to keep it together until about a year later when I was visiting them and their new baby. Sue was being exceptionally bitchy and demanding of Mike. He was exhausted from trying to please her and care for the baby and she was acting like a petulant child. After watching Mike offer to make her different dinners only to be met with indifference and attitude I spoke up. In not so many words I lashed out at her for treating him so poorly. I may have mentioned something along the lines of “like I called it” which wasn’t helpful. Mike, against the wall, had to make a decision and he chose to throw me out. I welcomed the cold air in my face to the cold air coming from that bitch.

We wouldn’t speak for 6 years, when he divorced her. I had been right, but I wasn’t happy about it. She ruined the guy. Mike and I really aren’t the same but we are friendly. We have rules now, one is we don’t talk about Sue. So when he asked me to accept her friend request it brought back a lot of memories.

This ties in with the social media thing as such. Who do you have on your Facebook? I only have family, school classmates, co-workers past and present and a very select few that mean enough to me to follow their lives. I certainly have no room for someone who threw me out of her house many years ago, nor do I think it’s appropriate for someone else to advocate on her behalf. I would like to think that I have some say in whom I interact with.


22 thoughts on “the unwanted advance of Social Media”

  1. Well, I guess I’m on the outside looking in…I don’t understand all the brew-hah-hah. I am on FB. I am “friends” ONLY with people I know (not that anyone is sending requests). I don’t engage when I disagree with something. I ‘hide posts’ from people who use it for a political podium or always ‘forward’ things I don’t like. I rarely post anything myself. I get ‘on’ about once a day (If that) to check out the ‘news’ feed.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, I love your stuff but have to disagree with the content of your last night’s work, but only on a personal level. I love social media. I love the era of instant communication. In fact, I’m the fella that texts you back shortly after I see you call me. 😉

    But I understand the counterpoint, even agree with it to some degree. We have lost much of the art of interpersonal communication. We’ll probably lose more of that as the virtual world becomes more integrated and addicting. I, too, have resisted the urge to allow Facebook friendships of people I know to have been toxic in the past. I have deleted someone.

    But, on the flip side, I have added wonderful people to my life through social media, people I never would have known before. It was instrumental in pulling together the wonderful group of humans I run with today. And for a person, like me, to whom talking on the phone (or writing many lengthy letters) is anathema, the modern power of technology, likes, broadcast responses, group texts, and instant communication is the bee’s knees.

    Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to do all that mentally, without ever looking at my phone, soon. 😏

    Regardless, I love to read your daily stuff, agree or disagree! You always get me thinking.

    Hey, maybe I’ll the Brainiac to your Superman shtick, then. 😎 A kinder, friendlier, Brainiac, I mean. 😄


    1. I love social media Tom. I was just focusing on one small facet, the friend request. It gave me the opportunity to tell a story I’ve been wanting to work on for a while. I love 80 percent of it. So glad you find my stuff interesting

      Liked by 1 person

  3. That was a great story, you really have a way with words….Just loved it. Besides being honest, you’re very perceptive.
    As for social media, same here, love/hate relationship. I keep in touch with my good/best friends and that’s it. Not letting strangers in.
    I love your new pic. You never answered me, I asked you once, what’s with you and Jeff Bridges?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know. I LOVE him too, I was just wondering why here.
        FDR, you’re talking to a big movie lover and a great fan of the work of the Coen brothers who watched ALL their movies from ’85 onward, over 15 at least.


  4. LOL. She called her ex-husband to tell him that you denied all of her friend requests. I think you had it right the first time – DELETE. Cousin or not, I’d hang up if anyone called me over such nonsense. Jeez. People need to step away from Facebook and rejoin the real world.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I still haven’t figured this out. I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I wanted to “eliminate” some people from my past, so I created a new fb account with the name Grace…. I spend most of my time here and have almost given up using my other one completely. The bad, I miss the people I do want to hear about under my real name. The good? I can still sign on and visit when I want to and on my terms. As far as Grace goes, I’m not sure where that is headed….

    Liked by 1 person

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