Tag: stoicism

Living Life Beyond Complaints: A Stoic Perspective

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, Roman Emperor and Stoic, wrote the above quote over 1800 years ago. Who knew that “Suck it up, buttercup” was a thing so long ago? Are we to surmise that the great Toga-clad Roman society was no more free from complainers than we are today? I suppose this oversimplification fails to do the quote justice. It’s not about complaining, it’s about strength. Marcus Aurelius, as a Stoic Philosopher, believed that the quality of life is determined by how well you face adversity. In short, not everything requires action or a response.

Still, it is refreshing that, as early as 180 A,D complaining was a thing. It tells me it’s not a lovely side effect of a population growing less resilient.

I’m particularly familiar with this quote because I live it. To be clear, I am not special, nor do I want a cookie for having a challenging life. I don’t know anyone whose life isn’t. We all have problems, and it’s not a contest. One may view another’s issues as insignificant compared to one’s own. Still, that does not change the fact that everyone’s problems matter a lot to them. People need to understand this. Some choose to talk about it. Others keep it to themselves, comfortable in the age-old notion that nobody really cares. Or out of not wanting to burden others. And then others, well, they complain.
Not me.

As a person who has consistently dealt with setback after setback, I don’t talk much about my challenges. I was reluctantly “the sick guy” for a long time. Whenever I encountered anyone I knew, there was an inevitable, “How are you feeling?” coming. Please don’t take this as unappreciative. Good words are not guaranteed from everyone. Take them when you can. I simply struggled with the fact that my illness was the most definable aspect of my persona.
The most positive trait I can offer is that I am not a complainer.
I would rather be known as the opposite of a complainer.
Content. Stoic. Strong. Positive. Optimistic.

Have you ever heard someone refer to another as a survivor? “Oh, he/she’s been through so much. What a survivor. I can’t stand that. We are one of 2 things. We are alive, or we are not. Being present enough to be called a survivor means that you are alive. Logic thereby dictates that you have survived. My attitude is that while above the dirt, go out and live while you can.
Life is to be endured.

The mistake we make is to expect life to be fair or happy. The Declaration of Independence offers us the right to pursue happiness, but there is no guarantee of it. Yet many think that happiness itself is guaranteed, and any other outcome is thereby a disappointment. My attitude is that life is a series of obstacles, challenges, disappointments, and pivotal moments. Mixed in with everything entailed in surviving, we have moments of happiness. Brief periods of joy. Those are to be looked forward to because they justify the struggle. Strong people find something to be happy about. Others complain. They fail to recognize that the very breath they use to complain is something for which they should be grateful.

The choice is simple. Endure in silence, or find something in your particular situation to be grateful for. I’m facing another health challenge after only 4 years of relatively good health (my second longest streak). I’m sure that I could find many things to complain about. But I never will. Not only do people not care, but they also don’t like it. They appreciate someone who makes the best out of their situation.

I have a great life. To focus on what I can’t control is just the wrong way to live. Instead, concentrate on what I have in front of me and what lies ahead. Your stone will someday display a date of birth and a date of expiration. The dash, well, that’s everything in between. Live for that.

Stoic

Somebody once offered up in conversation that I was “Stoic”. As a guy who considers himself well-versed in language, context, and vocabulary I took it to mean that I have a rather stone-faced demeanor. That is to say that the initial interpretation of the face I presented to the world was indifferent and void of emotion. As it turns out, I wasn’t far off in my understanding of “stoic”. After some research I was then happy to learn that “Stoic” has more than one meaning,
1) A member of the ancient philosophical school of Stoicism.
2) A person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining. To possess toughness and quiet endurance.
Interesting…I may have been onto something there.

A member of the ancient philosophical school of Stoicism.
I took an interest in Stoicism. I did some more reading and, like everything else in my life pre the great collapse of 2016, I moved on. It didn’t fit my lifestyle at the time. I recently revisited it after reading a fellow blogger. It is now apparent that it aligns perfectly with my current approach to existence. By aligned I mean it was a sledgehammer to the forehead.

A person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining. To possess toughness and quiet endurance.
If you know me at all, pain and hardship have been omnipresent in my life. I have done my best to roll with it all and to try to convert it into self-improvement and motivation to inspire and help others. I have never complained, I have references. It doesn’t help anything, and nobody gives a shit. But it definitely shows on my face. I can’t count how many times it’s been said to me some variation of,
“when I first saw you I thought you were a jerk. But then I got to know you and you’re actually a good guy.”
I’ve also been told by employers and well-meaning coworkers that my facial expression, gone unchecked, was the male equivalent of Resting Bitch Face. I took it under advisement and made a conscious effort to be aware of it. But the nuts and bolts of it were that my face was saying, Don’t fuck with me, I have had enough and I am not going to give you a chance to hurt or reject me.
That was who and what I had become.
But the result, the fortunate side effect is, and I need to take a temporary break from my adherence to humility is;  yes, I am tough, I have endured a lot of shit and I am stronger for it and ready for more. Bring it the fuck on. So it logically follows that my face, as the window to my wounded soul, will reflect. To reluctantly but necessarily put a smile on it is to embrace the Shakespearian notion of Masks. Everyone, not just thespians, wears a mask to conceal who they really are and try to be someone else.

Stoicism is the approach from which I am existing. It is validating and empowering, more so with every page that I read. It is in synch with my new attitude of minimalism, simplicity, positivity, and adherence to values. It confirms my desire to no longer be the person I once was. At one time I was full of hubris. I wanted to run with the beautiful people. I wanted wealth and influence. I was not ruthless, but I wasn’t a man of true character. I cared less about virtue, empathy, compassion, and benevolence, opting instead for callousness and relative morality. I needed to make a change in order to sleep at night. If you believe that it is never too late to make a change, then change is not only possible but also achievable.

It is not possible if I am to keep your interest, to list all of the tenets and principles that appeal to me about Stoicism but I’ll offer 10 key principles.
Live in agreement with nature.
Live by virtue.
Focus on what you can control.
Distinguish between good, bad, and indifferent.
Take action.
Practice misfortune.
Add a reserve clause to your plan.
Love everything that happens.
Perception is key.
Be mindful.

As an aside, I find it significant and amusing that Stoicism is sometimes referred to as “Supermanism”, considering I have written over 300 posts under the moniker of Superman.