2 years

2 years ago, on a quiet Sunday afternoon I got “the call”. I’ve received important calls in my life but this was the biggest. The Kidney that I needed so badly, the one that I had resigned myself to accepting that I would probably never get, was waiting for me.

The timing couldn’t have been better. I was not doing well at all. Dialysis had been really beating me down. For the first 2 years of treatment, I was breezing through treatments with ease. Until the one day that I wasn’t. My blood levels became constantly unbalanced and the side effects were bizarre. Treatments became unbearable and for the first time in my life, I was experiencing despair, even intrusive suicidal thoughts.

I raced home to pack a bag. I drove on the edge of my seat for 2 hours to the hospital where I was received in a hallway lined with applauding medical staff. It was a surreal moment, to say the least.

I emerged from surgery as if I was a new man. The first day with a new kidney is a remarkable experience. The brain fog, fatigue, malaise that characterizes Renal disease is just gone and replaced by a clarity of mind and renewed sense of hope. It’s beyond medical or physiological, it’s almost spiritual. I wasn’t beaten down any longer. I was in pain, excruciating at times, but it was glorious.

I’ve been given the gift of new beginnings twice. First, a coworker selflessly donated to me in 2011. I hate that her gift didn’t last longer but I am still indebted beyond measure to her. My second donor I never met. She saved my life by filling out an organ donor card. Bless her anonymous soul.

I am truly blessed. Or just the luckiest man alive, if you subscribe to such a thing as luck. Regardless, it is concerning that sometimes I lose track of that.

I need to stop doing that. My story is awesome and I need to not only tell it but to live it. The mere fact that I am still standing after all of the shit that I have been through is nothing less than remarkable. While I’m not prepared to step in front of a train, I’m seemingly bulletproof. I need to embrace that more. I can start by no longer allowing small things get in the way of a fulfilled life.

I know I have a purpose. I also know that experiences tend to find me. If I continue to wallow on what is directly in front of me I am distracted from what’s on the horizon. There I will find the next great happening in my life.

I’m always telling people to look up and around, not just straight ahead. Maybe I should follow my own advice. No more wallowing in petty shit and no more time wasted with people who don’t deserve me.

Fortunately, I have these yearly reminders of the fragility of mortality to ground me and set me back on the right track.