the biggest kid in the room

One of the benefits of living in your childhood home is the memories, the connections, the triggers that bring back the memories of your youth. Both good and bad I suppose, but since I have grabbed my psyche by the metaphorical balls of late, so to speak, I have been able to focus more on the good things.

A tough realization of late is that I am a big kid at heart. I love playing with small children. I enjoy dumb comedies. I say goofy things and I like to be silly and I still think nothing is more satisfying and fun than lying on the floor playing with my dog. Charlie Brown nailed it when he said, “happiness is a warm puppy.” It sure is, not much makes me happier. Charlie Brown is my hero.

I think it has affected my social life. A funny instance occurred a few weeks ago when I was out on the boat with a female companion. We were moored in a popular spot where the water is shallow for a hundred yards or so from shore. People moor there and hang out, drink or eat and swim in the shallow water. Ducks in that locale are famously used to people and are not shy about swimming up to boats. A family of ducks approached my boat and I instantly exclaimed “look, duckies!” My companion looked at me like I had three heads.
I realized that she thought I was out of my mind or grossly immature. Oh well.
“Yes, Duckies.” I said. “Sorry if it seems weird but I’m just a big kid at heart.” I leaned over the bow and made quacking noises at my visitors.
I still don’t know if that’s why I haven’t heard from her since.

I’m tired of fighting it. With all the battles I have fought with my health and other matters, my youthful, a nice way of saying emotionally stunted I suppose, outlook has kept me going and I won’t apologize for it. It’s my way of not letting my disgust with the world I currently live in from tainting my desire to move forward.

I actually think it is what my small but loyal circle likes about me and what the core of people who look to me for inspiration (not being cocky, I actually do have some patients and readers who look to me for a lift) see in me.

It’s really quite simple. Before life kicked the everloving shit out of me I was a happy, eager and optimistic kid. Without his spirit, his happy memories and almost Pollyanna’ish approach to life, older current me would be lost.

I don’t just like to be silly and goofy. I need to be. I do not,will not and cannot allow others to bring me down if I allow that inner child to exist within me. I’m the biggest kid in the room.

Deal with it.

16 thoughts on “the biggest kid in the room”

  1. You should never change who you are to make someone else happy. Someday, someone will appear out of the blue by accident who Will appreciate you for who you are and want to come along for the ride. I truly believe that

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If I was out in a boat with a man, and he said “look duckies!” I would IMMEDIATELY fall in love with that man!
    There is a quote that says: ” Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” …
    That is so true!!! I know people who have never loved or even liked an animal and they are just about always people I am leery of.

    I love your heart Billy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We call them duckies too. And had loads come up to the boat as well as swans with their babies. The ducks and geese in the park here have taken a hit with some kind of duck disease and it has wiped out about 20 geese, all the goslings and most of the ducklings this year.
    Both of us are big kids, we act our shoe size, not our age. I talk to the birds, bees, ducks, geese, butterflies, anything living that comes into my space, and don’t care if people think I’m odd. My sense of humour has got me through some tough times same as you. I refuse to give in.
    Let’s go for that virtual pint!

    Liked by 1 person

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