the longer it is, the harder it gets

Now that I’ve drawn you in with a sexually provocative and misleading title, here we go.

I’ve heard it said that Blogging is like riding a bike. You never forget how and it’s easy to get right back in the saddle. I don’t agree. I think it’s more like working out. When you are really into fitness you feel strong, vibrant and you crave more of that feeling. But once you stop, or take a break, the longer you are out of it the harder it is to go back. You know that you have lost strength. You know that it will take more effort to get back, if ever, to where you were. It is going to hurt. You fear you will never get that high again.

This is where I am now with my blog.

18 months ago I started this blog. I had no readership at first but I poured my heart and soul into it and I told my story. The readers eventually followed and I began to feel a “writer’s high” in which I was getting gratification through feedback and stimulating dialogue, I even had a follower write a blog post citing mine as the “best blog she had ever read”. I was thrilled and honored by that.

Now, I fear that most of my stories have been told. The ones that I do tell do not seem to get much readership. Most of my loyal, regular readers are gone. They have either stopped blogging or just stopped reading me. Being fond of feedback and comments, I mostly get some “likes” with no real indication that my post was actually read.

Then there is my health. I have been on dialysis for 5 months and overall it has been a positive experience. I do feel better in some ways. But the fatigue, the washout and other unpleasant side effects such as insomnia are taking a toll. I am up all night many nights a week and forced to sleep late, which I hate. And when I am awake I just don’t have the energy or mental clarity to be creative. I limp through most days.

The longer I am away from it, the harder it is to get back into it. Like exercise.

But here I am, pondering a change in format. Reviewing insights. Evaluating my tags and categories. Trying to find answers to explain why my blog isn’t giving off the spark, to my readers and to myself, that it used to.

And here is what I came up with. I still have a story to tell. If not for you, then for me. Read it, don’t read it, I can’t control that.

I do it for me and hope that someone enjoys the ride with me.

39 thoughts on “the longer it is, the harder it gets”

  1. Although I am one of those who doesn’t always comment, I read and enjoy all of your posts. I also get the disenchantment phases; perhaps that comes with all creative pursuits. It sounds like when you started, your passion came from telling your story and the interactions became a perk. I have no doubt that you have more stories to tell and I am waiting and ready to read them all!!!! You are super cool, Billy, and I don’t say it enough, but you always leave me in awe!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can’t thank you enough for the kind words. I certainly wasn’t singling you out Susan.
      I just want to be read, to see if anyone gets anything out of it, after all we put such effort into what we do.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I haven’t gotten your emails or seen you in the reader. Just today, so I am still interested but lately I feel the same. I feel I don’t have anything more to offer, also not sleeping. My sleep time is like five to eight in the morning, and yes it is maddening. Good luck with the dialysis, I certainly do not have that to contend with. Hang in! We NEers need to stick together. 👍🏻🤗😄

    Liked by 1 person

  3. There always seem to be times when people seem to ‘drop off’ in their interactions with the eWorld – it’s ebbs and flows, a tide of woes … and they keep reading until the ‘thing’ comes back to them, and off the high-board, or into the waves, and there you go – we’re back!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve given up trying to figure out which posts will resonant with readers and which won’t. And I’ve been at it since 2014. I do think of it as exercise but more like a walk through the forest and not doing sit ups!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Assuming you have a laptop, you have plenty of time during the dialysis treatments, providing you can use your arms. I can’t use mine with one of the treatments I get because of where the needles are.

    Maybe some creative writing in occasion? Of you can write about your erotic fantasies. Would love to see the comments if you wrote a piece on that.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I can only imagine, I was baiting you. I truly am glad you are on dialysis ( not that you need it, but that you are doing it) and that it’s not horrible


  6. Btw, I don’t see here what I was expecting to see. Do you know that Steve challenged you (along with Tom and Jane) to write a story/poem based on a photo prompt. It’s this challenge that’s been around for a while, called Tell the story. Go check it out at Steve’s.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I didn’t give up on you, I just started following you. If you stop now. I’ll think it was my fault 😉

    The best blogs that I follow are ones where the author is writing for him/herself first. Go for that!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I know exactly what you mean, brotha! My little break, pushed by the wild autumn of home buying and site-crashing, just seemed to make it harder to write “the next thing.” I love the feedback most of all and I think if the feedback ever just completely stopped so would I. Here’s to re-energizing our base and getting our rhythm back, Bill. Ever upward!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Writing for others to read is a natural desire, but if one writes for oneself, it than doesn’t need validation from others as in followers. Write your story again and don’t worry about who is reading, concentrates about the one writing.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. This is so right on the money…hit the nail on the head…all of those typical cliches. It is VERY difficult to come back. I worry that I never really had a theme or a voice and my voice has most definitely changed and morphed. I don’t know what I want to say anymore. And it is SO SO SO hard to come back…but we do, and you have. And I really hope you continue to post your stories… I love reading them!!!

    Liked by 3 people

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