Weight loss

Today I found a miraculous weight loss program that can be accomplished in 2 hours. All you have to do is walk into an arbitrators office at the City Courthouse, answer a bunch of questions, agree to everything and sign on the dotted line. Boom! Divorced. I’m down 135 pounds. At least that’s how much I think she weighs, I haven’t touched her in so long I really don’t know.

That’s what I get for introducing her to a magic food that made her sex drive disappear 22 years ago…Wedding Cake.
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15 thoughts on “Weight loss”

  1. Christ, you’re funny. If I’d known that wedding cake would have the same effect, I would’ve probably just bought some ice cream or maybe even skipped the dessert.

    Yes… marriage certainly does ruin the young feeling part of your life… the part of you that used to have sex… before you become a hollow shell of what you once were and abandoned even mourning the loss of said sex life because you’re just so resigned to this lifestyle…

    …sorry. Lost myself in, uh, trying to imagine what it must be like for you. Condolences.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know how you feel. I recently wrote an article on grief in which I said until my divorce I felt relief but once the divorce was granted I did go thru some stages of grief. Good luck to you, 22 years is a long time, I lasted 23…

    Liked by 3 people

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