Integrity and $2.25 will get you a coffee

I have been on a nice, even emotional ground lately. I have rolled with adversity and conflict without anger and frustration. The only good thing to come out of recent events is that I have reconciled my past, forgiven myself for past mistakes, and tried to approach my future as positively as possible. I was doing great until yesterday when I saw my wife.

As part of the divorce proceedings, we are required, as parents of a minor child, to take a class on the impact of divorce on children. Our youngest is 15 and she is fine with everything so the course would be a piece of cake. Sit through it, sign your certificate of completion and head home. I would drive her home, I would head back up and we would not see each other until Christmas.

When my wife initially proposed that we get divorced, she put it out there as completely amicable. There was no money to argue about so alimony was out of the question, no assets to bicker over, and an agreement that I would give whatever I could towards supporting the family. No court mandates required. Completely civil. She just wanted to move on and I agreed.

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In the ten-minute ride to her house, she completely changed her tune and started talking about what would happen once I started receiving my disability checks. I didn’t know how to answer that, particularly because I still have no guarantee that I will actually get approved. She began to talk about how much she would need for the youngest two children in the way of clothing, food etc.,. I explained to her that if I am approved I will do whatever I can for my family, reminding her of our previous conversation. She pushed on further, speculating again on a check that I can’t guarantee. Finally, I asked her to just give me a number. She wouldn’t. She refused. Apparently, her monthly expenses are private. They always were I suspect. She handled the finances and despite how well we did we were always broke. Exasperated, I told her she was unaccountable and it was unfair. She replied that I was trying to walk away from this marriage without consequence. Are you absolutely kidding me?

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This is a direct affront to my character. My character is all that I have left in this world and it is not in question. I am committed to always doing the right thing, especially with regards to the children I love so much. I have shown her my ass, figuratively speaking, by disclosing everything and offering it all if needed and she thinks that I would let my family go without anything when it is within my means to prevent it? All I ask for is some transparency, something I have never had in the time we have been together. I may have to have an agreement drawn up after all. I can’t believe that my integrity is on the line after the sacrifices I have made to do right by her. I never say this but I’m offended.

As my dad, a very honorable man often said…”sometimes, it’s just the point that matters.”

5 thoughts on “Integrity and $2.25 will get you a coffee”

  1. I was divorced a few years ago, I don’t remember the date. I asked for the divorce and just wanted out, not because he was a bad person or anything, we had just reached that point. My lawyer tried to get me to fight for alimony, and child support and and and… I am so glad I was able to stand my ground and trust my beliefs even though everyone told me I was crazy. I wanted out, I hoped he would provide for our daughter, but if he didn’t I would figure it out. I wanted amicable and we had that. Thankfully! Yes it is hard without alimony etc, but I would have felt worse if I took everything from him including his pride, etc. Divorce is hard. I hope your soon to be ex remembers that moving forward, no one wins in divorce and change is hard. Best of luck to you as you deal with this

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wrote a blog post recently built around the Kenny Rogers song, “The Gambler.” You may have heard some of the lyrics. ‘You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away, know when to run…’ I see that you thought all the cards were on the table, but they weren’t. I hope you will get something in writing at your earliest, ’cause all the dealin’ ain’t done. Highest and Best!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know the song well and I get it. I’m actually prepared for whatever happens and I will do whatever I have to because that’s who I am. My only problem is I hate when my integrity is called into question. Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 2 people

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