The ride of, or for, my life…

frus·tra·tion

frəˈstrāSH(ə)n/

noun

1. the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something.

“I sometimes feel like screaming with frustration”

Yes, that is one definition. Here is another.

When you think you are all set with something for a while and you then find out you are not.

MY Synonyms: annoyed, pissed off, here we go again

Almost six years ago I had a kidney transplant. Truly a landmark moment in my life. A future of dialysis and a poor quality of life magically transformed into a bright future with at least 15 years of good health through one amazing gift from one amazing person. It was up to me to take care of the new kidney. To diligently take my medications, eat healthily and listen to my doctor. In addition, my donor was a friend and I further owed it to her to take care of her gift.

I looked forward to 15 years (or more) of good health and I was committed to taking care of it. I hit the gym, I started mountain biking, I ate right and watched my weight. Imagine my disappointment when 4 years later I had a rejection episode. My body will always try to reject the new organ so I take a lot of meds to suppress my immune system. Yet I ended up in the hospital with a severe loss of kidney function. Over the next 3 months, extensive testing will reveal that the original disease that destroyed my original kidneys had returned. The kicker was the Transplant team didn’t feel it necessary to tell me about this possibility. I was pissed. My prognosis was, while uncertain when, my new kidney would eventually fail to the point that I will be back where I was pre-transplant. That was not a good place.

Kidney disease has a wide array of unpredictable and unpleasant symptoms. Besides feeling “washed out” it is not uncommon to develop intolerances to everyday foods that generally would be considered healthy. Cramping, seizures, even cardiac events are possible when in failure if not monitored. As I progressed towards transplant before I developed anemia. I was cold all of the time. I required injections and a multitude of pills that would block this and one that would boost the other. Back and forth to the pharmacy and specialists. It was a roller coaster I was hoping not to ride for a long while.

This July I was told to expect the ride to begin soon.

I got my lab results back today. I’m anemic. Yay.Time to strap in because it’s going to be a long ride.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!