genu·ine
[ˈdʒɛnjʊɪn]
genuine (adjective)
truly what something is said to be; authentic:“genuine 24-carat gold”
I hear it a lot. “You’re one of a kind”. I know it’s not always a compliment, if it is it’s meant as a backhanded one at best. But I take it for what it’s worth. We’re all unique in one way or another. For better or worse, I suppose. Even the extreme conformists have unique qualities. Sheeple, as I like to refer to them, have something that separates them from the pack. We all have interests, passions, and guilty pleasures. Unfortunately, you have to dig a little harder on some people to find out what makes them different. Personally, I value the differences in people.
I only ask that the world do the same for me. Because for all of my faults, at least I’m genuine. I’m real.
I’ve spent an inordinate amount of my life fighting the compulsion to be what I think the world wants me to be. It’s exhausting. And it’s not for me anymore. I realized recently that I do something embarrassing every day. To be clear, I may be the only one who is embarrassed by it. However, that’s all it takes to send me into a spiral. Those spirals have been devastating to me. A typical fall down the rabbit hole has me questioning my self-worth. It also has me doubting my cognitive abilities for days or even weeks. It has crushed my self-esteem and has often left me wondering how people perceive me. I think it has a little to do with my nightly weed consumption. It is a depressant after all, and what I have described are all symptoms of depression. That’s an easy fix.
But the self-flagellation has to stop.
The answer to how to stop is actually quite simple. Just as one should always accept responsibility and embrace accountability, we should also “Own” our shortcomings. Is it really that simple? Just “Own it”?
Maybe it is.
This is who I am. I am awkward. I say the wrong thing or say too much in general. I sometimes don’t know how to act in situations. My anxiety causes a massive “Murphy’s Law” scenario in which fearing gaffes causes me to do just that. So what would it be like if I removed the worry about the gaffes as a self-fulfilling prophecy?
Bill 2.0. That’s what.
I’m going to lean into it. I am who I am, and I insist on being the genuine me. Social gaffes, saying the wrong thing, the list of things that have made me self-conscious are part of the package. If people don’t get me, I guess it will have to be their problem. If they don’t like me, then they’re missing out on some good stuff. Because, despite all of my awkwardness, I have a lot of good qualities to offer. I need to learn how to showcase them to the world. I’ve always said that you need to look deep to find what makes someone special. Well, then people will have to do the same with me. As my beloved fraternity of Freemasonry espouses, every man needs to shine his light. I live by that credo. So that’s my new philosophy.
Talk about an epiphany.
The Tao of Bill 