’tis the reason for the season

Ahhhhhhh….Spring. I make no bones about the fact that winter is longer and harder on me than Elementary school was. Short spans of daylight, cold weather, gray skies, and staying indoors all the time are really not for me. So Spring is my default favorite season, by the very logic that it follows my least favorite. This Spring is especially sweet because for the first time in years I am entering my favorite season healthy.

Things have been going very well for me lately. My life has completely turned around in the last 7 months. To think that I was admitted to the Wacky Shack last fall for threatening to harm myself, an all-time low, continues to amaze me. I am simply not the person I was then. I am still a bit traumatized by the whole thing, to reflect on how far I had fallen from my trademark optimistic and upbeat self is nothing less than surreal. If you had told me then that I had 6 months to live, I wouldn’t have cared. The thought of tomorrow had no appeal to me. Now, I look forward to every day and what I can do with it. Life matters to me again.

My health, and the constant comments of family and friends as to how healthy and happy I seem is of course the greatest thing going for me right now. But I can’t minimize what I can only call the additional blessings that have been bestowed on me as a result. I have a girlfriend, a beautiful, smart, and very challenging (a highly valuable attribute in my eyes) woman with whom I am sharing my life. It is yet another second chance for me. In addition to health, I now have happiness, one more thing I thought I would never experience again.

I have a job. And in the typical fashion of late, it just fell into my lap. I met a guy that was looking for someone with my exact skill set and he wants to invest in me. How many people work for an employer that says something like that? When my disability runs out, I will go full-time in an environment where I can thrive. If all goes well, I will give my mother back her beloved house and privacy and get my own place. If all goes according to plan, maybe I will get a place with my girl. Wouldn’t that be an amazing thing?

One last thing that I have to mention is my Motorcycle. My bike is not merely a piece of iron with two wheels. It represents so much more to me. It is my therapy, my escape, my conduit to my own special brand of Spirituality. When I was sick, cruising on my iron steed was the only thing that gave me hope. Now that I am healthy and free from the constraints of dialysis to go where I want when I want, it is the symbol of my new life. Yesterday, after 6 months of staring at her in my garage ( I was forbidden post-transplant to ride because of the weight of the bike), I took her out. I think she missed me more than I missed her. The ride can only be described as transcendent. It is my connection to nature, to the memory of my father, to God. It is not just an expensive toy, it is a symbol. Of freedom and rebirth. And amazingly enough, I rank the privilege of being financially and physically able to enjoy it up there among my greatest blessings.

8 thoughts on “’tis the reason for the season”

  1. After playing catch up with your posts this morning, I just randomly picked this one to make my last comment for the day. Do you realize that you are and seemingly always have been harder on yourself than anyone else will ever be? If you can catch yourself when you are struggling with anxiety pretend you are talking ME down from one of my anxiety issues. I honestly cant imagine you ever being rude or disrespectful to me, so please don’t do it to yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Billy? Wow! I don’t know if you remember me, it’s Kim from I tripped over a stone, now I just started blogging again. A lighthearted RV blog. Done with drama! I’m reading this and literally cheering. I’ve got to catch up on your posts! Superman FOUND his phone booth. Yes! So happy for you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Of course I remember you Kim. I think of you often, I know you retired and are loving the RV life. So glad to hear from you.
      Yes a lot has happened and I don’t write as much as I would like because I’m busy living my life. Not a bad problem to have.
      I’ll check out your site.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m so thrilled Bill. You LIVE that awesome life you’ve worked so hard for! I’m going to catch up on your posts. Missed you, Superman!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

        Liked by 1 person

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