I am a blessed man, rich with the greatest commodity of all, friends and family that have never failed to be there for me when hit with adversity, of which I have faced a lion’s share.
To think that not that long ago I was seriously considering ending my life. Dialysis had finally gotten to me (depression is common among dialysis patients) and my thinking was poisoned with helplessness and despair. I just couldn’t imagine my life as it was having any quality and I was beaten down by one sickness after another. I have read some of my blogs during that time and they read like a Sylvia Plath poem, pills, hangman’s noose and loaded gun not included in the package. I’m proud to say that guy no longer exists. I have to do better, apparently many people are counting on me.
I came across this letter that I had written as part of a 30 day letter challenge. It is addressed to my best friend and it was written 3+ years ago. If anything our friendship has grown stronger. Here is the letter, I plan on sending this to him along with many others who I need to recognize as having kept me on the right side of the dirt for so long. It is part of my ongoing campaign to let the people in my life know how I feel about them while they are still here and not speaking to an inanimate slab of granite.
I hope you enjoy:
A letter to my best friend
You are on the very exclusive 3 AM friend list. The guy that I could call at 3 AM and you would come and do anything to help me. Your friendship knows no bounds, not that I am likely to test that statement.
Miles now separate us but I think of you often. Of course, you are always reachable by phone or by text. You always answer no matter how busy you are because that’s the kind of guy you are. You must worry about me because your first reaction is often “are you ok?” Sometimes I am not ok, you are correct. Sometimes I need to hear the voice of reason and reality. You always tell me the truth. And I need that. Because you’re also really smart, way smarter than me, but you would never rub that in my face.
I miss coming over for Scotch and Cigars. Pulling you away from your wife and kids so that you can have a little me time. Not to be a dick, you know how much I respect you as a family man. But between you and I you also know that she dumps the kids on you all the time and she should let you have an hour and a half distraction. That distraction is me and you thank me for it. I hate how she treats you and at the same time admire how you never say a bad word about her. You tell me what bothers you over a cigar but you never stoop to insult her, I admire you for that. It’s hard for me too because I like your wife a lot but I see what she does to you. I guess I get mad enough for both of us.
We are unlikely friends. To think that we both joined “the club” at the same time and went through the courses at the same pace and emerged best friends. It’s probable that we would like each other, but not be like brothers in 3 months. The one thing we had in common was that we were both very open people that appreciated lack of pretense and honesty. I needed a friend like you and the timing was perfect.
Since then you have supported me, visited me when I was sick, invited me to your beautiful home and listened to me as my life completely fell apart last year. You never judged me and I can’t thank you enough for that.
Please know that your friendship has sustained me during those times when I thought I had no one in my life to turn to and I hope that we continue on this path. There are things that I can help you with and know that I will with the entirety of my resources If I am able.
I hope you share my attitude that good friends pick up where they left off, no matter how much time has passed. Because I am working some shit out right now and I’m not ready to talk about it but when I am, you will be the first person I call. Until then, the phone is all that I have I hope it is good enough.
If I die tomorrow, you will go down as one of the very few people who really knew me. Many think they do but they don’t. You made the effort.