I’m getting better at this

The text came through last night.
“We REALLY have to talk.”
My first reaction was a silly one. I thought to myself noone really NEEDS to talk. My second reaction was to marvel at how silly and funny I am. But my third reaction was a little more profound. I realized that I was faced with what will certainly be another in a long string of rejections as I walk the path towards finding a soulmate and, amazingly, I don’t care.
I’m getting better at this.

It’s been a long time coming. Everyone knew she wasn’t going to come around. Especially her. To her credit, she wasn’t the aggressor. I was. I thought that I could make her feel things she said she wasn’t ready for. I couldn’t. And by the contents of her cryptic text she is probably going to tell me tonight.
I’m ready.
So ready she doesn’t even need to say it. But she will.
“Let’s be friends.”
I almost want to text her not to bother. There is very little chance that I am wrong about the impending conversation and that she is going to profess her undying love for me. Not the way things have been lately. I know the signs. But I suppose I should let her get it out. It may make her feel better to tell me everything that I did wrong over the last few months. Why deny her the process? Let her dump me.
I’m getting really good at being on the other end of that conversation.
In fact, I’m a fucking PRO.

I think it’s time to rip the old heart out of my chest and hang it on a hook. Save the next one the trouble. That may be the only way to keep it from further damage. I’ll hang my dick next to it, after all I’m not using that either. I think I’m done.
If I never hear the words “let’s be friends” again it will be too soon. I have enough fucking friends.

What do I need a woman for anyway?
I have internet porn to poorly stand in for actual intimacy.
I have television to remind me what a relationship looks like.
I have friends to be jealous of for their health, wealth and success.
I have my motorcycle to take to bars to eat and drink alone, comfortable that I will not be approached by strange women.
I now have no reason to shave my beard or dress up.
I can refine my greatest skill…being alone.


23 thoughts on “I’m getting better at this”

  1. You say that now because of what you assume is looming, but I’d be willing to bet that the next time a woman flutters their eyes at you and gives you that smile, or shows interest, you will be all over it like white on rice. Hope, my friend, It’s what keeps us going. Eventually it comes to some kind of fruition. It’s like sales. 100 rejections for that one big score

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Billy… stop projecting… you’ve already decided what she’s going to tell you before you know the truth! And if that is what she says then know this SHES NOT THE LADY FOR YOU right now. That could change at anytime of course or there is someone else out there for you. Remember – what you spend time focusing on the bring fourth so change your focus 🙂🙃

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There’s a lot of history that I haven’t included in these posts. I will bet a month’s pay that I have accurately predicted the outcome of the conversation.
      The best part…i don’t even care anymore

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m sure there is and I don’t mean to offend in anyway. If you come from past hurt you bring it forward into new relationships and then it plays out like the previous ones did. Then you create a belief that it must all be about you, that every woman just wants to be a friend not a lover.
        That’s not the truth and yet you feel it’s your truth. Soooo I’m sounding like a preacher which is not good I’m sorry. I don’t ever see black and white and also there is lessons to be learned in all our experiences. Right now your hurting by the comments you’ve made and I believe that you deserve something more for your life. We all do 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      2. You’re very astute and the one thing that you don’t have is HER truth. And that is a history of failed relationships and a predilection towards fatalism. She has repeatedly told me that it wasn’t going to work out and now, she’s going to be right.
        I’m actually not the one with a commitment to being alone, it’s just the path I’m on lately

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Yes your right the same goes for her. She is projecting out from her past experiences and that’s sad because she’s not giving this one a chance.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. I am quite sure that I know exactly what will be said. Not past history but the particular trajectory this has taken and conversations had prior.
      It’s not negativity, it’s cold hard realism

      Liked by 2 people

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