The “Friend Zone”

I’ve been away. For way too long.

You know it’s been awhile when other bloggers reach out to you in the comments section to see if you’re ok. It’s quite the testament to the blogosphere when that happens. It occurred to me that, given my readers’ familiarity with my health issues, people assumed the worst. So I am here to tell you that I am doing physically well and still the best specimen in the clinic, although that isn’t saying a hell of a lot. Emotionally…not so much.

Like most great stories, this one starts with “About a girl…”

I met her through a friend. The bestie of my buddies new wife. When I met her she had a boyfriend. With this news I kept a careful, yet smitten eye on her. As luck, fate or divine providence would have it, she broke up with her guy the night that I met her. I was cautiously excited. A few days later the friend request came in. Soon, we were talking on the phone every night. She wanted us to get to know each other. So we did.

In what I now think of as a dumb move, I asked her to have dinner. That’s where it went south. Why?, you may ask. The answer is simple, I thought it was a date and she didn’t.

We had a great time. We had a wonderful conversation over dinner. She told me a lot about herself. In particular she spoke of how she wasn’t ready for a relationship. She said it so many times that I should have listened.
I didn’t.
I must have thought that I could “turn” her with my unrelenting charm. As the evening went on, I thought I had changed her mind. What had really happened is that she drank enough wine to temporarily knock down her walls. Experiencing emotions I hadn’t experienced in years, I failed to recognize that it was the booze talking.

The next day was awkward. The one after that even more so. I quickly learned that there were two of her. The drunk one had a far more favorable opinion of me. Sober girl was pushing back. Hard.

She wasn’t ready. That’s the takeaway. We’ve seen each other several times. In this Virus crazy world, going out is difficult. I mostly went to her house and stayed in the guest room. Mostly, we texted and talked on the phone. I have to say, I lit up whenever I saw a text from her. I was smitten. Until I noticed that I was always the one initiating conversation.

I began to scrutinize her responses and her language. I noticed that any attempts at intimacy, ranging from “I miss you”, and “you’re special to me” were met with a generic “thank you”. I asked her about it finally. She wasn’t able to address such comments because she’s not ready. She knew that I was in a different place than her and asked me if we could just “hang out” and let her figure out if she wants a relationship. It wasn’t ideal but I wanted to spend time with her. So I agreed.

We hung out a bit in recent weeks. Occasionally I slipped up and treated her like a girlfriend. The pushback was incredible. And frustrating. I was firmly stuck in the “friend zone” and that’s where I think I’m going to stay.

The girl she is when she drinks loves me. She’s affectionate and lovable. Sober girl apparently feels different.

Thursday night I told her it wasn’t working for me. I don’t know where we are headed now. We haven’t talked since. I really don’t know how I feel about it. But the confusion and mixed messages have consumed my life for months.

I should have listened.

I’m crazy about her but I have to prepare for life without her.

She’s not ready.

21 thoughts on “The “Friend Zone””

  1. What… this really sucks. The right one is out there. If you quit, you’ll never find her. I don’t think we are meant to be alone. Friends are great but I agree, just how many friends does one person need? If she is pushing back now, when contact is minimal… where will that go when contact doesn’t have to be minimal? I believe you may have escaped ‘something’? Christ, Billy. Next! Keep moving forward my friend!

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  2. I had thought maybe the Rona and “media” circus just beat you down and you didn’t have the energy to add your two-cents right now. Some people are taking stay-cations from WP as well as media in general. I’m sorry to hear about your predicament. I have no words of wisdom.

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    1. Well, it’s interesting. I had a lot of thoughts on the media circus but it was all anyone was talking about and I didn’t think I had a fresh perspective so I stayed away from it. Then I had a million things to write about but zero inspiration to write about it. Not to say that I won’t

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  6. I’m at work and due to be relieved soon. I won’t have wi-fi but I just saw this and I want to welcome you back ‘home’…I will read tomorrow but I hope you are well my friend.

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  7. I didn’t. I actually assumed you were doing great. I was hoping, at least.
    Mind you, most next days are awkward.

    Btw, I hate thank you’s. It’s like saying, you’re a nice guy.

    So what now?

    A. Don’t keep her sober.
    B. Play hard to get (god, I hate that!)
    C. Hold your horses. Give her some alone time.
    D. Don’t wait too long. Women hate that; check in every now and then to see how she is doing.
    E. Try to be her friend, a shoulder to cry on. I know it’s hard, but it might pay off.
    F. Give up on her? No. I would only she tells me to.

    Now, chin up. Kiss you.

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  8. Well………I guess you are just going to have to lay low. Maybe some radio silence will make the ❤️ Grow fonder. If not, her loss.

    On a separate note, I can’t imagine trying to date or develop any kind of relationship in this environment. It has to be incredibly difficult. Give u credit for your persistence

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  9. First I am glad to see a post from you. I didn’t think the worst though, I was just concerned.
    Second, I am sorry things have not gone how you had hoped, but you never know…… rebounds are difficult and when we (us women) self analyze ourselves, we get confused, embarrassed and withdrawn. Hubby and I met when we were at our most cynical. It worked for us as we were both coming out of bad relationships and basically wanted nothing to do with the slushy stuff. So we became friends first as it was nice to be able to go out with a member of the opposite sex without it being a date, having to worry about saying goodnight and all the other things courting couples do. The rest just happened.
    I remember someone once saying they would rather be in someone’s life as a friend than not be in their life at all. It might all work out when she feels ready for more…… I hope so.
    Take care Billy.

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