Second chance

“You’re full of yourself”.
That one hit hard.
She didn’t mean it in a hurtful way.
She was trying to help
with my next girl.
The next girl…
who will that be
when I still want that one?
I made some mistakes.
I pushed.
I was excited.
I felt emotions long lost.
Ones that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
That I never thought I’d feel again.
affection…
intimacy…
connection

long lost and thought dead
bubbling to the surface

I didn’t know at the time
it was the wine

how did I not see it?
She told me at the beginning
Not ready
Not looking
I need time

But through
and over the walls…
we connected
I saw the real you
and I liked it

but I didn’t show you the real me

I’m not insecure
I lack experience
I don’t have it all together
still picking up the pieces
I’m not full of myself
It’s a shield
a costume
flowing cape optional
my message to the world
that I’m still standing
shoulders back
chest out
not out of pride
or hubris
or arrogance

but to anticipate the next blow

how do I show you the real me?
get a second chance
at a first impression?

not full of myself
but full of life
hope
yearning
desire
gratitude
faith

and regrets

I failed to show you the real me


6 thoughts on “Second chance”

  1. I’m sorry I missed this post when you first published it! I hope you’re okay(-ish) again. Somehow reading this made me think how it’d be to have a chat over coffee with you. Quite sure it’d look a bit odd but I think we’d have an interesting conversation 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that would be awesome. I’m fine. It really just comes down to my knowing that I didn’t present as well as I would have liked and if I had maybe things would be different if I had.
      I really hate when someone has the wrong idea about me. One thing about life is that it keeps rolling on and we have to roll with it

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 🙂
        oh, those “what if”s … I don’t know, based on my (modest) experience, I think it’s a bit weird she’s labelled you as “full of yourself” based on a first impression. people should know better than to judge others so quickly. also, does anyone really totally let their guard down at the very beginning?
        I’m sorry things went this way with her but I don’t think she’s being fair with you.
        (also: the post tugs at my heart. she doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s still a work in progress. We talk every day and I think there’s something there.
        I have to allow for the possibility that there’s a reason she got that impression.
        Now I have to show her that I’m not and I can do that.
        And that was very nice of you

        Like

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