I was inspired to write about my nightly “battle of the Z’s” after reading this great post by Andrea. She’s got a great blog if you haven’t checked it out yet I recommend it. You can read her article here
Ugh
It’s 11:00 and I’m wide the fuck awake
You shouldn’t have napped in the afternoon dumbass
But I was tired…
The house is quiet, too quiet
If I stay downstairs I’ll keep them awake
If I go upstairs I’ll still keep them awake
those wood floors betray my every footstep
I’m overthinking this
Just go upstairs and watch Netflix on the laptop
But if I stay down here I’ll fall asleep in the recliner
You’ll get leg cramps in the recliner dummy
I’ll get leg cramps upstairs also
30 minutes go by, I’m sleepy.
Begrudgingly, I climb the stairs
I climb into my supposedly comfortable bed
The sheets aren’t right
The pillow’s not right
I’m getting annoyed
Fuck, I’m wide awake
Of course you are
You do this every night
I fire up the laptop and load Netflix
Need a show I’ve seen before
One without a laugh track,
it wakes me every damn laugh
But you’re awake anyway, aren’t you?
Yes, but I plan on falling asleep at some point don’t I?
One episode down, still wide awake
Guess I’ll watch another
It’s only sleep after all
What do I have to get up for?
The credits roll on another episode
Now I’m getting annoyed
Should I make a sandwich?
How about a nice glass of Scotch?
Oh yeah, I don’t do that anymore. Shit
And you don’t sleep anymore since you stopped, right?
I don’t have any Scotch
A turkey sandwich at 2 AM it is
I wake in the recliner
TV on low
crumbs in my lap
The sammich did the trick
What time is it?
3 AM?
This has to be a joke
I stumble upstairs again
Crap.
My water bottle is empty
Downstairs I go again to fill my bottle with water and ice
Did I actually drink a liter of water since I went to bed?
Knowing that I’m going to piss ten times makes me more awake
I’m thirsty and my kidneys don’t work
what am I supposed to do?
I’m upstairs again
I turn Netflix off
Now it’s too quiet
It’s back on again
Dammit.
I have to piss
This is getting old
Back in bed, taking deep breaths
I need to unwind or I’ll never sleep
I start thinking about every stupid thing I’ve done since 1st grade
That helps nothing
At some point, I fall asleep
I snap awake with a searing leg cramp
Practiced at this, I scream in pain on the inside
I throw the covers off
Force my locked, screaming foot to the floor
The calf muscle finally relaxes
I sit on the edge of the bed
Staring at the dark
I’m wide awake again
and I have to piss
Crawl back into bed
The absurdity has worn me down
I finally sleep
The first of 3 alarms go off at 7
No fucking way
I shut it off
I was having another of those dreams
About a person I knew, at a job I no longer have
I wasn’t having fun
if memory serves
I try to shake it off
When my head hits the pillow
It starts again, I can’t turn it off
I sit up and try to chase it away
Exhausted, I sleep again
I pick up where I left off
How is this possible?
My last alarm goes off at 8
I need to get up
Why?
You’re unemployed
Where the hell do you have to be?
Good point
I put my head down again
I wake again at 9:30
That was the best 90 minutes of sleep all night
and now I have to get up
Downstairs I go
Coffee is in order
The aroma pleases me
but does not wake me
I’m more tired than when I went to bed
I ponder over my steaming mug
the knowledge that in 13 short hours…
I get to do it all over again
The Tao of Bill 
I just love the way that you write and this post definitely did not disappoint; as usual you made a rotten situation really funny :O) As far as the insomnia goes try this: don’t wear a watch all day, take a long walk in the fresh air at some point, have a cup of chamomile tea in the evening and have a listen to this when you go to bed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-FhiPicP1Q. Hope you get a good night’s sleep soon and thanks again for another great post x
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Luckily I have never had a chronic insomnia problem. Part of me wanted to find the humor here, but I have had enough of these occasional nights to feel that horrible feeling deep inside the pit of my stomach.
This left me almost shaking:
“the knowledge that in 13 short hours…
I get to do it all over again”
I truly hope this is not the norm for you.
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I didn’t mean to force you into responding lol. It’s not the norm but it is very common.
It wasn’t meant to be a post to elicit sympathy, I was inspired by another post and Bojana suggested that I elaborate. The rest, as they say is history.
Sleep problems are common for people with my disease
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No worries, mate. You didn'[t force it. I was already writing it. You so captured and expressed the night. It was very tangible.
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I value your feedback
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And I your, my friend. So much.
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I’m so glad you did this and in such an imaginative way…Wonderful.
As I said recently in one of my last posts, I had always been a sound sleeper. Then I grew up and got a kid. This is when I started to toss and turn.
It’s better now but I remember how frustrated I was at one point. In the end, I’d fall asleep because of exhaustion.
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You told me you wanted to hear more. Glad you liked it. It was both fun and real to write but I’m glad I did it
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Me too.
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I know this ritual is exasperating, frustrating, and infuriating, but I couldn’t help laughing. It was like reading the theater of the absurd. I’ve never suffered from what you describe here, but you captured the mood perfectly and the only thing I could think of is that I hope you keep all the sharp object locked up
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It is absurd. I recently learned that sleep issues are common in CKD and transplant patients. It’s just part of my life and I tried to put it to paper. It was actually fun doing it
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Maybe you’ll actually sleep well tonight
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Every third night I’m so exhausted that I do get a few hours of dead sleep
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A broken clock is right twice a day too 🤪
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This is awesome Billy! Thanks for sharing!
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That’s my nightly routine. Glad you enjoyed it
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Believe it or not, mine too, lol
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