Warmer weather

I was on Facebook earlier today and I noticed that my sister had changed her profile pic to a shot taken at the beach in August. As I sat in my kitchen freezing I found the idea of the hot sun, a cold  beer in hand and my “official bikini inspector” t shirt very comforting.

Then, true to my character I immediately went to a dark place. A bad beach experience.

One day I was at the beach with a friend. We were walking along, checking out the girls, tossing the frisbee. I noticed that all of the girls were checking him out but I was getting nothing. I was perplexed.

When we got back to the boardwalk I asked him about it. He told me to put a potato in my bathing trunks. I went to the snack bar, pulled the kid aside and slipped him 10 bucks for a whole potato. I surveyed my surroundings, discretely dropped the potato in  and began to walk the beach again.

I attracted attention indeed. I got laughed off the beach. Frustrated, I found my buddy and told him what was going on. He laughed for a minute and then said,

“Dude, the potato goes in the front”.

Now he tells me…