I hate New Year’s resolutions almost as much as I hate waiting for equipment at PF from January 2nd until mid-February. See, the “resolutioners”, who drunkenly “resolved” to get in shape in the new year all join Fitness clubs in January, take all the good parking spaces outside and park their asses on machines and play with their phones and keep the regulars from getting in a good workout. Statistically, 79%+ of them quit within 2 months and things go back to normal. It’s not that I don’t applaud the effort.
My problem lies with the timing.
Why wait until January 1st? If you feel the need for change then act on it then and now! If you want to quit smoking, throw that pack away now. Drink too much? Pour it out and toss the bottle. If that doesn’t work then get help. Act on inspiration and bouts of motivation. Not by societal norms and and what day it is.
That is how I ditched the “resolution” mentality and learned to go with motivation when it hits. Still, as the New Year approaches I like to take inventory and outline things I want to work on.
The first thing I want to work on is my thinking. Nothing is as dangerous to a man as the quality of thoughts and I need to remind myself of what I have been through and how lucky (do I believe in luck?) I am to be here. I must never forget about my good fortune and resist letting negative people and adversity take away my attitude of gratitude.
I would like to stop saying that I don’t care what other people think of me, and instead actually live it. Am I living my life for me or for others? If I am likeable, live with a good heart and do no harm to others, what do I have to prove to anyone? Small minds worry about what others are doing and I do not have a small mind.
I have made decent inroads in my motivation levels but I need to do better. I have done much better in taking care of my body by exercising. But I’m not as committed as I would like to be. Eating better, drinking less and smoking less are the answer. Now I need to live it. It’s just as easy to order a salad as it is a Double Burger with fries.
I would like to be less lazy. It really bothers me how I sometimes have to force myself and perform even the most basic of tasks, such as cleaning my living area and putting things away where they belong. I don’t know when I got this way but it needs to stop.
I want to write more. I have actually made decent progress at that, I had a book in the works last year and I hit a wall. I recently picked it up again and now the ideas are starting to flow. But I want to blog more. I need to continue, in the absence of a good therapist, to share my thoughts with an admittedly nameless and faceless readership and see if I can recapture the passion and grit that first drew readers to my page. If that story has already been told, then I’ll tell another. I love to write and I enjoy the catharsis of it. Maybe I’ll finish the book this year.
I need to value myself more. After more than one disappointment in both romance and friendship, I wallowed in self-doubt and made the ridiculous mistake of blaming myself for failures. To make matters worse, I didn’t listen to myself when, after over-thinking things ad nauseum, I didn’t believe myself when faced with overwhelming evidence that I did nothing wrong. No more, I know what I am and who I am and I will not lower myself to chase anyone ever again.
Lastly, I need to learn to not only tolerate solitude, but to value it. I am a dangerous combination of alone and lonely. This has caused me to seek company in people who weren’t right for me. That will hopefully change in the near future. I would rather be alone for the right reasons than be with someone for the wrong reasons.
These are all things to work on. Not because it is December 31st. Maybe because the New Year is a refreshing time in which people everywhere are thinking about ways to improve themselves. That is never a bad thing. I would like to think that I am doing this as a reminder to myself to always continue to work on myself. After all, is there anyone who can honestly say that there is nothing about themselves that needs work?
The Tao of Bill 