Hi…come here often?

If you follow me you may know that I endured a pretty hard kick in the emotional nether-regions on Sunday. The ill-advised “long-distance” relationship that I was involved with crashed and burned like the Hindenburg when I went on FB and saw that she had posted “in a relationship” with some random dude. I was shocked, hurt, confused and quite pissed off. I texted her and asked why I had to learn of this on F’ing FB and her only reply was “Don’t curse at me.” I then asked her if that’s all she had to say to me and I then found myself blocked on the phone, FB and my blog.

I was over it the next day. I don’t dwell. My takeaway is that I was most mad at the way I was treated. Looking back on the relationship I do know that it wasn’t going to end well. The only reason I allowed myself to have feelings for her was that there was a strong possibility of her moving here. Once I allowed myself to feel for her we developed a very powerful connection and in the ensuing months I can honestly say that I fell in love with her. I was actually happy for a while. But circumstances changed and it soon became clear that it wasn’t going to happen. But I continued to correspond and support her as if she was my girl. Hence the feeling of betrayal when I was unceremoniously dropped like a candy wrapper.

Every kick in the nuts should result in a learning experience and I indeed learned something. I need someone in my life. I so enjoyed the feelings I experienced during my fling. I felt desired. I felt wanted. I felt attractive. I felt needed. I want that again and I’m not going to find someone just sitting here on my ass. So I joined Match.com.

It was very intimidating for me. I haven’t been on a date since 1990. I haven’t had sex since Obama’s first term. I worry about being a poor candidate to attract someone. I’m not financially secure, not particularly healthy and don’t have my own place. Creating my profile was going to be a challenge.
Hi, I’m Bill. I’m 54, on dialysis, I’m bald, have one testicle and I live with my mother. I don’t have money but I’ll be happy to take you to McD’s and buy you something off of the dollar menu. By the way, the last time I dated Milli Vanilli was relevant. Can I wear my acid wash jeans? Seeking…well, ANYBODY

That was my first draft. I then decided that the one trait that never fails me is my stark honesty. So I went that avenue and this is what I came up with..
This is the most honest profile you will ever read. 2 years ago health issues cost me my job and marriage, ending with my moving in with my mother 2 years ago. I am rebuilding my health and my life. Yes, I live with my mother. Not in her basement, but in her attic and that’s better, right?I haven’t been on a date since 1990 so this is very new to me.I am a doting father of 4 amazing (grown) children.I enjoy volunteering. I’m charitable and active in several charities through my Masonic lodge. I am an aspiring author and an avid reader. I’m a great cook. I love animals. If the sun is out so am I, probably on my motorcycle. I love a good conversation and I have a great, if not occasionally inappropriate sense of humor. Life is a gift and I am trying to live mine to the fullest.I am looking for a companion to spend time with and have a few laughs and some great conversations. If it leads to something more then that would be great.I’m not financially stable yet but I’m not broke. If you aren’t about money and want to meet an old-fashioned, optimistic, funny, sarcastic, kind, grounded and nice guy then look no further.Life’s a garden. Dig it.

You saw the part about me living with my mother, right?

The first response (match) I got was from a 43 year old woman who lives fairly close to me. I was excited when I got a message from her.
“Hi, not looking for anything romantic, just trying to make friends and I like chill guys. We should hang out.”

Not exactly a swimming start. I replied to her.
How about that ? My first response to my new dating profile is from a woman who just wants to be friends…what guy wouldn’t love that?

She was amused by my response and we chatted a bit. I may meet my new friend who doesn’t find me attractive at all. I can never have enough friends, maybe she has a cute friend.

I’ve received a few likes, nothing too promising but I signed up for 6 expensive months so I’m going to be patient. One thing I know is that dating did, does and will continue to suck. It’s just reality.

There has to be someone out there who values honesty, wisdom and a warped sense of humor in a guy. Kindness, caring and integrity wrapped in a scarred but earthly package should have some appeal. I know I have a lot to offer someone, if they just scroll down.

We’ll see what happens. At least I can say I tried.

35 thoughts on “Hi…come here often?”

  2. I have a few friends and colleagues who’ve had successes with on-line dating. It may take a while, and you might have to cull through some people who aren’t worth the time, but I hope you find someone as decent and honest as you:-)

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  3. Splendid! Congrats on taking the leap, Bill. I wouldn’t have the guts to do it! And I think the profile is perfect. Some other schmuck looking to one-off girls would put up the lies and bed the wenches and let them find out on their own the truths, but by then he’d have moved on to the next “catch.” I’ve had gal friends do the dating site thing so I speak from (second-hand) experience. And can I say how cool it is that we, your friends in the cyber-sphere, get to be first hand witnesses to your adventure!? Win, lose, or draw I know you’ll let us know how it goes, with sparkling wit and engaging prose. We’re rooting for ya! Even more we’re rooting for the lucky Lois Lane out there waiting for the honest guy with the bike. Kudos to her, too!

    And, if in three months, the experience hasn’t been one you expected you can try the one-off thing. Gotta get your money’s worth. 😉 *

    * I winked, so that’s a joke. Don’t come at me, bro!

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  6. Good for you.
    Eons ago (37 years) a friend and I tried a dating agency and got the same guy! Hm, not cool.
    However, have you read how Hubby and I met?
    Lonely hearts ad. Yep. Honest.
    He placed it and I answered. Both of us were coming out of bad relationships, had a truck load of cynicism, and baggage by the department store. No money (I was up to my eyes in debt, holding down 2 jobs and living with my brother), beat up old cars, and just wanting friendship and company.
    Where did we go wrong???? LOL
    The slushy bit crept up in us, we got a flat together after 7 months, and got married 2 years to the day we met (May 10th 1989, 2 days before my 35th birthday).
    We joke and say he didn’t marry me for my body and I didn’t marry him for his money (or vice versa) but we had nothing to offer but ourselves and friendship when we met. It worked for us, so I’m rooting for you!

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  7. Got my fingers crossed for you!

    (And, BTW, the 2nd draft was definitely the way to go … it was truthful, but upbeat and positive, and that is a very attractive quality.)

    I hated (and sucked at) dating when I was at (supposedly) the top of my game back in my early to mid-20s. I can’t imagine having to date at my age. I’m not even sure I would know how at this point. So I greatly admire you getting out there and not letting a kick in the stones get you down.

    Thanks for sharing your journey. We’re all pulling for you!

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