buy me dinner first at least

Haven’t been on for a few days. I haven’t been feeling it. Some events last week have consumed me to the point where even writing wasn’t a welcome release.

I have been grappling with my wife’s bombshell announcement that she wants a divorce. I really can’t explain why I’m so upset, I have wanted one for a long time. If anyone has read my posts it is a pretty common theme that we have been separated for almost a year but I really believed that she had expectations that we would eventually recover financially and get another place together. I never thought that would happen but I didn’t want to broach the subject of the “Big D” for fear of hurting her. To find out that she was actually thinking the same way was shocking. For some reason, I wasn’t prepared. Now it seems real, and it makes me sad. I really wish it could have turned out differently.

At the same time last week I got a call from Social Security Disability. I was told to expect a decision on my claim this morning. I patiently crossed my fingers and hoped for the best all weekend. I am not working and all of the best minds in my circle, doctors included, pushed me to apply. I received a denial letter this morning.

I have an advocate working my claim for me. In return for a very large fee they take my fight to SSDI and try to get it done. I called them this morning and asked about the next step, the appeal process. There is a 12 to 18 month waiting period for an appeal hearing. I am screwed, without income for the next 12-18 months because of court backlogs all because they hope that I will drop my claim. I am a year away from dialysis, my blood pressure is astronomically high and my overall kidney function is in the toilet. But I am not eligible.

It’s been a long time but if memory serves the last time I got fucked I remember having a nice dinner and getting kissed first.